tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1587608217531814162024-03-05T10:12:26.636-03:00Just A Southern GirlJust A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.comBlogger1031125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-29032426604233397752021-11-25T13:35:00.011-03:002021-11-25T18:18:59.803-03:00Two years, a pandemic, massive protests, multiple health issues, an insurrection, and a house of our own later...<p>I haven't posted in almost two years, because what do you say when there's so much going on that you don't even know where to start?!</p><p>At the end of 2019 I was hopeful about things looking up in 2020...I was finally going to finish cancer treatment at the end of May 2020 and we were making plans to do more once I started gaining back my health and getting stronger and having more energy.</p><p>Let's just say that was a pipe dream. 2020 was the most difficult year of my life. Beside all the things happening around the world, I struggled with one health issue after another: two hospital stays in June and an emergency gallbladder removal, a broken wrist in October, started on 3 daily asthma medications in November to try and get that under control (still on 2), and we found out I have a leaky heart valve in December. I spent the last 10 days of 2020 wearing a heart monitor. Then there's the emotional toll: the isolation of lockdown, and even after it was lifted, we continued to self-quarantine because of my health issues. The heartbreak of seeing far too many churches and believers decide their "rights" are more important than loving their neighbor. <br /></p><p>Then 2021 started off with an insurrection and major gaslighting by the former party of Lincoln. No doubt about it, the past two years have been rough on so many levels.
But they have also been good. <i>My faith is stronger even if my body
isn't.</i><b> </b> </p><p>We've been blessed with another grandchild! Gilbert Ivan Herschberger was born June of this year; he's the only grandchild we were able to see as a newborn. Watching him grow and change over these months has brought such joy!</p><p>We spent time with our son and his family in California on three separate occasions this year (something we do not take lightly after seeing them only once in 2020!). Those opportunities to spend time with Jon, Nat, Adalyn and Eisley were so precious! We also had a wonderful long weekend earlier this month with Tina and her family, when we all traveled to Long Beach, CA, and had a blast together. <br /></p><p>In May we started house hunting seriously. What were we thinking?! In the middle of a crazy housing market, and when the temperatures here in Vegas were regularly in the high 90s and low 100s?! But we persevered, and with help we were able to find the perfect house for us. It's a single story, three bedroom, two bath home with an attached two car garage and a nice sized back yard with a large covered patio. Ivan, who has been renting a one car garage since February 2020, is looking forward to expanding his "office/shop". [FYI: we will never be able to park in the garage. <i>hahaha</i>] Light floods the main living space which is open kitchen/dining/living. There's a gas fireplace (perfect since I can't do real fires any more because of asthma) and with three bedrooms, one will be my dedicated library/crafting space. </p><p>Throughout this year though, looming over us, was my heart issue. At the end of last year we learned I had a leaky mitral heart valve that needed more tests to determine the severity. With Covid shutting down all non-emergency hospital procedures here in January, it was months before I could get tests that have to be done in the hospital. Finally in May I had a <span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">transesophageal echocardiagram which did indeed determine it was severe enough to require repair or replacement. In June I had leg angiograms on both legs because my cardiologist thought there might be calcium deposits causing issues (there weren't). In August I saw the cardiac surgeon who ordered a few more tests, and sent me back to the pulmonologist to get clearance for surgery. </span></span></p><p><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc"> The pulmonologist ran more tests, and while my lungs are not in optimal condition, I was cleared for surgery. My lung capacity is under 3 (normal is 4-7 liters) and my right diaphragm is weak. Theory is that because my heart is not functioning properly, that has lowered my lung capacity. Hopefully fixing the heart will also help my lungs.</span></span></p><p><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">A heart cath at the end of October showed no blockages so no need for any bypasses, "just" the mitral valve replacement. Based on test results, they decided a replacement is warranted. I'll be getting a biologic valve (cow or pig). </span></span></p><p><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">I was originally scheduled for open heart surgery on November 19, but at the beginning of this month we found out the tenant in our house (who had a lease through the end of the year) was moving out early. We were elated! I was not looking forward to moving in January, early on in the recovery process. I got the ok from the surgeon's office to push back surgery to December 10, so we can move first!</span></span></p><p><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">Ivan got a key from the tenant last Tuesday, November 16, and we jumped right into all the things that need to be done before we move. First up was getting the air ducts cleaned, and from the condition </span></span><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc"><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">they were in </span></span>(seriously gross!), we doubt they'd ever been cleaned since the house was built 35 years ago. Ivan began pulling carpet out of the bedrooms, Tina hired someone to come in and deep clean the house, we started getting utilities switched into our name...<i>so many details involved in moving</i>. </span></span><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">We're being proactive where we
can, to eliminate allergens that would aggravate my asthma and make the
lung situation worse: clean air ducts, hard
surface flooring throughout, and a good deep clean.</span></span></p><p><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">My sister arrives Friday to help with the move/organizing the house. And her husband was here from last Saturday through Monday helping Ivan lay hard surface flooring in the bedrooms. They live in Colorado so it's not like they can just drive over; they fly back and forth! Our family has been such a huge blessing 💕 <br /></span></span></p><p><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">Kyle and Tina helped me haul a couple loads over in their van and ours on Sunday, which we mostly stored in the garage. And I'm trying to take advantage of every trip to the house to take more stuff. The big move will be Saturday though. Tina helped Ivan start installing baseboards in the bedrooms on Tuesday; they finished our bedroom which is the biggest. So we have some things to finish, but even if it all doesn't get done before we move, we're in good shape.</span></span></p><p><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">Moving this weekend will give me almost two weeks to get settled in before surgery. But knowing how my sister and Tina will have most things organized this weekend, there won't be a lot left to do! </span></span></p><p><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">Being in our own house, with freshly cleaned air ducts, the light streaming so beautifully into all the rooms, and the patio to relax outside...these will all go a long way to healing not only my body, but my soul. Both have been battered by the events of the past couple of years. Part of the trauma has been that I've really struggled to read. That's slowly starting to change, and I have a stack of books to read as I recover.</span></span></p><p><span class="ILfuVd"><span class="hgKElc">I am hopeful about 2022! <br /></span></span></p>Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-40745516102473975372019-12-22T17:45:00.002-03:002019-12-22T17:46:47.091-03:002020: I like the symmetry But I have to say that 2019 has been a good year. After a number of really hard years, and despite continuing with cancer treatment and the challenge of starting a new business, the "yoke" has just felt lighter (Matthew 11:28-30). God has been gracious and provided in ways we couldn't have even imagined. It's hard to put into words how thankful we are for His healing power in my body; when I was diagnosed with cancer last year, I was at stage 3B. To go from there to no sign of cancer in 18 months is a gift we do not take lightly! The opportunity for Ivan to work with our son is another <i><b>huge</b></i> blessing. It's interesting that Ivan's first entrepreneurial enterprise was Hoyt & Son Construction, started back in the 1990s with Jon. Now they're back in business together, again in the building industry, but on a whole other level! And to be only a 15 minute drive from Tina and her family has been <i><b>such</b></i> a gift too! We love the time we get to spend with them.<br />
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Jon and his family are just over an hour flight away, allowing us to get together way more often than was possible in the past. They came for Thanksgiving and it was such a treat to watch the grandkids play together. A favorite was the magnetic building tiles, but they also played dress-up, learned new games, did a lot of craft activities, as well as just chasing each other around and laughing. Love these kids so much!<br />
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We packed a lot into those five days! Natalie and Tina surprised me with an early birthday celebration, by decorating and getting all the supplies together so we could make candles together.<br />
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We took the three oldest grandkids to see a live production of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", which they loved, and will remember each year when they hang their Grinch ornaments on the tree.<br />
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Each of the couples got a night out without the kids. We ate too much, laughed a lot, and just enjoyed one another's company!<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(I really love this photo of us piled on the couch with both our kids and all the grandkids!)</span></i></div>
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Jon was promoted at work again this year! He loves what he does and it shows. Natalie, using her immense creativity, will be opening an Etsy shop soon.<br />
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We couldn't believe how much Eisley had changed in the four months since we'd last seen her... from just learning to walk back in August, she's now running and, <i>boy</i>, is she fast! Her vocabulary is growing and she's her own little person, not "baby Eisley" as we used to call her. Even at this young age (19 months), she's showing an aptitude for taking things apart and putting them together.<br />
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Adalyn, age 5, started kindergarten and loves her Montessori school. She also enjoys dance and voice lessons, playing at the park with her friends, dates with Daddy, being a big sister, and cooking and crafting with Mom.<br />
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Kyle started a job as salesman at a new RV dealership at the beginning of the year, but it wasn't long until he was promoted to sales manager. He's kept busy whipping the department into shape! Tina loves being a stay at home mom who is also a fashion blogger and photographer. You can find her at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/tinainreallife/">Tina In Real Life</a> on Facebook, where she shares what works (and doesn't) in mom life.<br />
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Simon, who turns 6 this weekend, also started kindergarten in the fall and loves his teacher (he often accidentally calls me "Miss Migg" haha!). He's made lots of friends in school and in the neighborhood. We cannot believe how much and how fast he's growing and learning!<br />
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Betsy, just under two years younger, wants to do everything her big brother does and she's learning and absorbing like a little sponge. She spends Tuesday afternoons here, while Tina helps in Simon's class, and we thoroughly enjoy our time with her. She's very much Tina's "mini me" and reminds me so much of Tina at this age.<br />
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This was a tough year on my maternal side of the family. We lost Uncle Jack and his wife, Nancy (less than a month apart), then Uncle Martin (the last of mom's siblings to pass) followed by the death of my cousin Ruth from cancer. I wasn't able to make it to any of the funerals except Ruth's. As hard as it was to lose her, the chance to see cousins I hadn't seen in decades was special. We count it a privilege to spend time with family whenever we can. So the girl's weekend with Tina to Colorado was super fun! We saw family in Denver and Colorado Springs. The Sunday afternoon we were there we enjoyed a fun time out in the country. This photo was snapped right after Tina, me and my sister Beth finally emerged from the corn maze -- can you see the relief we felt!?<br />
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Pretty excited to say I'm cancer free! I started radiation the day after Christmas last year, finishing in February, and then continued with Herceptin treatments through May. Now I'm taking a pretty strong oral chemo drug until next June. Don't enjoy the side effects, but it's nothing compared to what I went through last year, so can't complain! Getting the cancer free diagnosis meant it was time to celebrate!<br />
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Ivan has stayed quite busy this year as manager of the new real estate investment business he and Jon started. He spent the year researching, looking at various possibilities, and then they finally purchased several multi family properties and began renovations on all of them. We're learning a lot and having fun while we're at it!<br />
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We have settled into <a href="https://www.eastvalley-biblechurch.com/">East Valley Bible Church</a>, a church plant here in the Vegas valley. The sense of community is strong and we are grateful for the fellowship with other believers. Ivan's leading a study during the monthly men's prayer breakfast. Kim had fun attending a craft night one of the pastor's wives hosted earlier this month.<br />
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We have felt truly blessed this year, and now we look forward with anticipation to 2020 and what the year might hold.<br />
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<span style="color: red;">Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!</span></h2>
<br />Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-81529835970716004932019-02-02T13:42:00.001-03:002019-02-02T13:42:51.148-03:00Marking More MilestonesToday marks a milestone, and this week marks another. I think it's important to acknowledge and remember what God has done -- and is doing -- in our lives.<br />
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It was on February 2nd of last year that I ended up in the emergency room because my doctor thought I had blood clots on my lungs. I didn't, but that's when they saw the swollen lymph nodes for the first time.<br />
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On February 7th this year I'll finish radiation therapy, the last big hurdle of this journey with cancer. I'll still have to go every three weeks for Herceptin treatments until May, but those are a breeze. The end of radiation marks the end of the Big Three, as I call them: chemo, surgery and radiation.<br />
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Radiation hasn't been a walk in the park, but it's <i><b>nothing</b></i> compared to chemo or surgery, so this southern girl isn't complaining. I've been using aloe vera, cutting off chunks of the leaf, slicing it open and spreading the goo all over the radiated area before applying lots of moisturizer. I was doing great until I ran out of aloe vera and it took several days to track down more leaves, and in that short amount of time, I burned. Now I'm using aloe vera twice a day, which is helping heal the existing burn and preventing it from getting any worse.<br />
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Fatigue hit a week after starting radiation, and has been unrelenting. But my doctor assures me that within 3-4 weeks of finishing treatment, my energy levels will start edging up. <span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><b>THE END IS IN SIGHT. </b></span><br />
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I don't know that I'll mark these milestones every year, but right now they feel important. Along with:<br />
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April 24: first chemo</div>
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August 22: last chemo</div>
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October 17: surgery</div>
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December 26: first radiation</div>
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It's funny, but I don't remember the date I got the actual diagnosis. It was not a one-and-done kind of thing... first they biopsied the lymph nodes with the results indicating cancer, and then a week or so later we met with the first (of several) oncologists who told us it was breast cancer. Those first weeks were a fog, and I'm forever grateful for my dear friend, Jennie, who went with us to all the various appointments and asked the right questions, and helped us process through what they meant.<br />
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It feels a little weird looking back and seeing how much has happened since last February 2nd. How could so much be packed into twelve short months? It's not only the cancer, but Tina and her family moving to Las Vegas with us following close behind, a new grandchild, our son dealing with all the changes brought about when Microsoft bought out Github, the death of our first fur-grandbaby Leo <i>(best dog <span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">EVER</span>!)</i>, turning 60 and celebrating for a week with our whole family...<br />
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I don't think it's an understatement to say that pretty much every aspect of our family's lives has seen huge changes this past year. <br />
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Last February 2nd planted a seed of doubt deep inside that bore fruit with the cancer diagnosis, and blossomed through much of this year as I struggled to handle all that the treatment protocol entailed. This February 2nd a seed of hope has replaced the doubt. I know that, regardless of what the future holds, I'm stronger than I thought I was because I don't have to rely on my own strength: I can trust in God's immeasurable power, and in His sovereignty. Right now the prognosis is good, the end of the hard stuff is in sight. I'm thankful for that, and don't take it for granted. I'm also keenly aware that only He knows the number of my days. It's just up to me to make the most of them.<br />
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I look forward to seeing what 2019 brings our way. There will be the glorious and wondrous and exciting surrounded by the mundane and ordinary -- and new milestones to be marked!Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-30359209737413563342018-12-11T21:39:00.002-03:002018-12-12T20:57:26.633-03:00Milestone BirthdayI'd gotten out of the habit of celebrating my birthday. Not that I think birthdays are a bad thing, or that I regret getting older (it beats the alternative!). I actually loved birthdays growing up, even if I do have the misfortune of being a December baby -- meaning I received a lot of singular gifts to cover both birthday and Christmas. <i><b>Ha!</b></i> Any other December babies relate to that?! But life got busy... and then busier, with so much to do, and it just felt inconvenient to take time out to celebrate. <br />
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This year, though, my family decided that between fighting cancer and turning 60, we needed to mark the milestone. So I just enjoyed the BEST birthday week EVER 😍 Jon, Natalie and the girls flew in from California and it was non-stop family time. I got to hug on ALL the grandkids -- when they'd stop long enough, that is. Four kids aged four and under equals perpetual motion and noise! 😂 We enjoyed so many great conversations, sharing memories and making new ones that my heart is overflowing.<br />
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<i>The Bellagio Conservatory transformed for Christmas </i></div>
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<i>Checking out the holiday light display at the Ethel M Chocolates Cactus Garden</i></div>
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And don't even get me started on my birthday dinner! Kyle made a shrimp scampi that was beyond delicious and Natalie created another of her masterpieces: an absolutely decadent chocolate cake with a surprise in the middle! (Yes, everything was gluten free!)<br />
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<i>Dove candies, edible gold glitter and chocolate chips in the middle!</i></div>
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One of the highlights was reading really sweet comments from friends and family that Tina collected. She printed them off, cut them up and clipped them to the window blinds, hidden behind the curtains so I didn't even notice them until she and Jon drew back the curtains. What fun!<br />
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Along with awesome gifts, homemade cards from the grandkids... seriously, everything combined made for the BEST birthday yet. <br />
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Thankfully I was far enough past surgery, feeling good, able to fully engage and enjoy the experience. Recovering from surgery was more challenging than anticipated, especially the first month. I'm happy to say the pain has decreased significantly since then. <i>Whew! </i><br />
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The pain levels started going down the week of Thanksgiving, so I was also able to enjoy time with my sister and her family who drove out from Colorado. We only celebrated Thanksgiving once while living overseas, so I relished every bite of the very traditional feast we shared at Kyle and Tina's. And to make the holiday even more special, we received the good news that chemo had done what it was supposed to do, and between that and surgery I'd gone from stage 3B to stage 0! <i><b>Woot, woot!</b></i> <br />
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This week the surgeon cleared me to begin radiation. It had been delayed a bit because of fluid building up, which necessitated weekly needle drains. This coming Wednesday they'll do a CT scan and use that to map out the plan for therapy. No exact date yet, but we anticipate radiation will start the week after.<br />
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2018 certainly hasn't gone the way we expected, but it's been a gift in so many ways. We are grateful for God's direction and provision, and have been reminded in very tangible ways what an extraordinary blessing it is to be a part of His family. Certainly worth celebrating!Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-51330635680464378482018-10-16T19:18:00.001-03:002018-10-16T19:18:58.812-03:00Surgery TomorrowI'm more than ready to get surgery over with, but I'm also dreading it with my whole being. I have virtually no tolerance for pain and am the biggest, whiniest baby you've ever seen. So the next few weeks are going to be, shall we say, <i><b>challenging</b></i> for me...and for Ivan. Appreciate prayers that the surgery will go well, and recovery will be without any complications or infections.<br />
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On top of surgery, I get to start taking anastrozole the day after. This is an estrogen suppressant medication, and protocol for women who are post-menopausal and ER positive. I'm actually triple positive: estrogen, progesterone and HER2 (human epidermal growth receptor 2) positive. <i>Go me!</i> Anyway, anastrozole will basically put me back into menopause and, having been there, done that, I'm not real excited about going through it again. It wasn't fun the first time around, and I'm not expecting it to be fun this time either. My oncologist would have started me on it earlier but held off because I've been so miserable with the bronchitis and lung issues.<br />
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Hair growth is proceeding at a snail's pace, and I'm beginning to doubt I'll have more than an inch by the end of the year. The other discouraging thing is that I have a <i>receding hairline!</i> <i><b>Yikes.</b></i> My mom always said I had a high forehead and needed bangs -- as evidenced by the this 4th grade school photo -- and, if there were any doubts before, there aren't now. I'm going to need a minimum of 2" (3" would be better) of hair to somewhat cover the glaring, ginormous area of hairless skin a.k.a. my forehead.<br />
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Have any of y'all watched <a href="https://www.hgtv.com/shows/home-town">Home Town on HGTV</a>? I started following Erin's blog years ago (and liked it so much I went back and read all her posts going back to the beginning). She called it "Make Something Good Today" and she purposefully recorded at least one good thing each day. Anyway, a few years ago she and her husband were contacted by HGTV about doing a pilot, and that led to the creation of their show, now entering it's third season in January. I've been a big fan from the beginning, and snatched up <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Make-Something-Good-Today-Memoir/dp/1501189115/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1539207672&sr=8-1">their book</a> when it was released a couple weeks ago. It's a compilation of her journal entries expanded to include other things that were going on in their lives, and both Erin and husband, Ben, share from their unique perspectives. It was such a fun read, probably made more enjoyable because I've followed the blog and their unfolding HGTV adventure from the beginning. <br />
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Looking forward to the premier of another new HGTV show, <a href="https://www.laurenliess.com/pure-style-home/best-house-on-the-block-premiere">Best House on the Block</a>, featuring an interior design blogger I've followed for years, Lauren Liess and her husband Dave. I've loved every room and house she has designed (and have <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Habitat-Field-Decorating-Lauren-Liess/dp/1419717855/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539208433&sr=8-1&keywords=Habitat&dpID=61-u-I87A3L&preST=_SX258_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch">her book</a> too), so I'm excited to see their show. Although it's an HGTV show (and will eventually air on that channel), it's debuting on the DIY Network on November 8th.<br />
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I'd love to see HGTV add a LOT of new shows, because I can't handle the channel these days with their shift to accommodate binge viewers. I'm sorry, but no way, no how, do I want to see six episodes of <i>anything</i> back to back (or worse yet, an <i><b>entire day</b></i> of something). Ugh! It seems like the majority of cable channels have gone in that direction. Even the big three networks are starting down that rabbit hole. I'm curious if other parts of the U.S. have this issue: the local CBS station starts their news programming at 4 p.m. in the afternoon! So we have a half hour of national news sandwiched between 1-1/2 hours of local news before and another hour of local news after. THAT IS THREE HOURS OF NEWS. If I wanted to watch that much news, I'd tune into a dedicated cable news channel.<br />
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Talk about going down a rabbit hole... Sorry, not sorry, about that rant.<br />
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Let's talk about something more pleasant. Like the weather. Not even kidding! Our weather went from sizzling hot (108 average temp this summer) to gorgeous, amazing, beautiful 70s and 80s and lows at night down into the 50s. Yes, please, and thank you!!! Open windows, fresh breezes... loving it. So glad (and grateful) for the change in weather before surgery. Had I kept to my original surgery date, I would have been sweltering under all my bandaging on the way home from the hospital; now I don't have to worry about that. It's a small thing, but isn't it the small things that tend to make us the happiest?<br />
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Speaking of small things, I think it's about time I share some photos of my adorable grandbabies (although they're growing so fast, I can't technically call them small any more; but it did make for a nice segue into this paragraph). Up first are Simon and Betsy in their traditional October t-shirts -- scary how cute they are!!! <br />
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And here's Adalyn photo bombing Eisley's five month photo shoot... these two are hilarious and it makes us so happy to see how much they enjoy each other (although there are times when Eisley is clearly <i><b>over</b></i> so much attention from her big sis 😜).<br />
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Now that you've had your cuteness quotient for the day, my work here is done. Thank you and good night.Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-11139020150283242552018-09-29T22:49:00.000-03:002018-09-29T22:49:13.363-03:00The Coughing is RidiculousAs expected, the coughing and continued lung inflammation pushed surgery back. Not expected was the three week wait (it's now scheduled for October 17); I'd anticipated it happening a little sooner. But as I've so often said in the past: "Es lo qué hay." At the rate it's going, it will take that whole time to get past the inflammation. I've never had a cough hang on this long, but then I've never been through chemo before and we think my body is just taking longer to bounce back than it normally does because it's been through so much this summer. <br />
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My doctor is hitting the inflammation with everything in his arsenal. He upped my steroids: a decreasing dosage wherein I was on 30 mg for five days, then 20 mg for five days, and tomorrow I start with 10 mg for 5 days...This is the third round of steroids in the past five weeks. He prescribed a Nebulizer and I've had a week of 8 breathing treatments a day, now down to 4/day through Tuesday. Yesterday we refilled prescriptions for the heavy duty cough syrup and the cough "pearls", both of which help me sleep better at night. Even so I'm waking up with coughing fits between 2-6 a.m. every.single.morning. Half the time I'm able to get back to sleep and the rest of the time... Let's just say I'm perpetually sleep deprived. He'll reevaluate my progress when I go in for the next Herceptin treatment on Wednesday.<br />
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I feel better than I have in months, despite the cough, like I've turned a corner both physically and mentally. I've actually had some energy this week! It's a wonderful feeling and I'm praying it continues.<br />
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I'd thought about putting up some freezer meals before my surgery, but then felt so yukky before the original surgery date that I put it right out of my mind. With surgery rescheduled, and feeling more energetic, I revisited the idea. This week I've slowly worked through six recipes and have 16 packages prepped and frozen! Several simply involved chopping meat and vegetables and throwing them in freezer bags, but a couple I precooked in the crockpot and then froze. One was a recipe for Thai chicken curry which I ate for dinner that night and put up the remainder. It was good! Pinterest is a wonderful tool for projects like this. I'm going to put up a few more meals this week, so post surgery meal prep will be a lot easier for Ivan (and/or me).<br />
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I even had enough energy one day to clean the apartment (in the five months we've lived here, Ivan's done 90% of the cleaning). It took all day, with lots of breaks between chores, but the apartment is small enough that it was totally doable in a day. While I'd love a second bedroom one of these days, having a small place is definitely advantageous for our current situation.<br />
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I feel like I've had more mental clarity, too. Chemo brain turned my brain to mush... concentrating was so difficult, and I often couldn't get through a complete thought, much less a sentence. Not even kidding when I say the last blog post took me three weeks to finish. I had to keep going back and chipping away at it, bit by bit. I'm still not where I was, and by mid-afternoon I'm both mentally and physically exhausted, but having that energy in the morning/early afternoon has been an absolute delight!<br />
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One of the books I've read recently made me even more grateful that chemo brain is a temporary thing. <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/One-Hundred-Names-Love-Memoir/dp/0393341747/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1538266591&sr=8-1&keywords=one+hundred+names+for+love">"One Hundred Names For Love" by Diane Ackerman</a> is about their experience when her husband had a massive stroke and was left unable to communicate for a long time, and chronicles their strategies for helping him gain back at least some of his speech and writing abilities (he was an author of dozens of books before his stroke). I found it fascinating, but also a little frightening to think how quickly one can lose the ability to do something as vital as communicating.<br />
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On the other end of the spectrum, I read <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Eat-Cake-Novel-Jeanne-Ray-ebook/dp/B006XWYC8K/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1538266808&sr=8-2&keywords=Eat+Cake&dpID=41JUMuw3TYL&preST=_SY445_QL70_&dpSrc=srch">"Eat Cake" by Jeanne Ray</a> which was a fun but "fluffy" book... very light reading and oh, so entertaining. While others close their eyes and imagine themselves on a beach or sitting in a café in Vienna, the protagonist in this book pictures herself inside a cake -- like literally inside it! That thought made me smile, and the entire book was just a fun read, because everything piled on at once and she needed a lot of cake to get through it: her husband loses his job, her 16 year old daughter is...well, 16... her mom has been living with them a year and then her dad has to move in after an accident and her parents, who have been divorced for decades, despise one another... It sounds awful but it's actually quite hilarious. It was good to follow up such a serious book like Ackerman's with this lighthearted romp.<br />
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It would appear my hair is going to be the same color it was before I lost it: bits are coming in dark and other parts lighter, which is what it was like pre-chemo. It's still really short -- like I said, my hair has always been slow to grow -- but more noticeable day by day. I can't get the nursery rhyme "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear" out of my head. haha!<br />
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Ivan is doing great nine days after surgery. His follow-up appointment with the surgeon is Friday and we'll find out if he needs to continue with any restrictions. I think the hardest part for him has been not being able to pick up the grandkids, or play with them in the pool. He can still do other things with them, though, so it's all good. When they were here Tuesday, they spent a good part of their time piled on the recliner with him, reading and talking. Those kids sure love their Papa! And he loves them :)<br />
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We'll get to spend some time with the other two grands in a couple of months! Jon, Nat and the girls will be flying in for my birthday week in early December. I'm so excited I want to do the happy dance! I'll be six weeks past surgery by then, but won't have started radiation, so the timing couldn't be more perfect. And I think December in Vegas is going to be fabulous with temperatures in the high 50s/low 60s. Way better than freezing cold, snow and ice like we'd be having in the Midwest.<br />
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I didn't think we could have a Christmas tree because this is such a small apartment, but the other day I happened to think of putting it between the TV and rolling library cart. It would have to be a small tree and would make the space feel a little crowded, but it's only for a few weeks... I just love having a tree so much... will have to give it some more thought. Can you believe Christmas is only 87 days away?!<br />
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Hopefully I'll feel up to doing some sewing between now and then, because there are a few things I'd like to make the grandkids. To that end we've been on the lookout for a sewing table that would fit in our bedroom; we needed something fairly narrow but long, and I was thrilled when we found one on Facebook marketplace recently. Next up is getting my sewing machine tuned up. It was starting to give me fits last year as I worked on the fabric fort I made for Simon and Betsy for Christmas; I meant to take it in for a tune-up then but got sick... and, well, here we are ten months later.<br />
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Christmas... so many memories, thoughts and emotions wrapped up in this one holiday. I know everyone has their favorite holiday, and Christmas has always been mine. I think because it was my mom's and she went all out to make it as magical as possible for my sister and me. Becoming a follower of Christ in my teens, and understanding how His birth affected the world, only added to my love for it. And now, with all that's happened this year, it brings yet another perspective and motivates me to focus on all that it means.Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-43618236823287039442018-09-19T13:47:00.001-03:002018-09-19T13:54:59.743-03:00Gearing Up for Next PhaseFour weeks out from my final chemo treatment and I'm starting to gear up for the next phase. Were it not for having suffered for weeks with severe asthma + bronchitis (and a persistent cough), this would have been my "easiest" post chemo experience to date. It's been a month with two rounds of antibiotics for the bronchitis, two rounds of steroids to open my airways, cough syrup with codeine, little gel caps they call 'cough pearls'... but the coughing seems impervious to all our attempts to put it to rout. <br />
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I thought the drier Nevada climate would alleviate the asthma issues I'd been having in Indiana -- and it probably will be better when my body has time to bounce back from all the stress chemo has put on it -- but it's made me aware that this is something I'll have to be cognizant of even out here in the desert. The smoke from the California wild fires that drifted over the valley two months ago and just settled in for a while was more than my lungs could handle at that point. Live and learn.<br />
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I'm scheduled for surgery one week from today... <i><b>BUT only if</b></i> we can get this cough under control. I have a few more days on the current steroid regime, but at this rate I'm pretty sure we'll just have to turn around and start another one. Not feeling very confident that we'll be able to stay on schedule due to the lingering inflammation in my lungs (had a CT scan last Thursday which showed <i><b>no</b></i> more infection <i>[Hallelujah!]</i> but a LOT of inflammation). <i>I would so like to stay on schedule!</i> Will you pray that this will clear up and I can go ahead with surgery on the 26th? <br />
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I'm starting to educate myself on what to expect, both right after surgery and in the months to come. In a private Facebook group, the ladies talk about the challenges of finding clothes to fit due to the realities of having uneven post-surgery bodies. A recurring theme is using camisoles to both smooth things out, and wear under other shirts to help prevent chaffing from fabrics that aren't very soft or have lots of seams. I have never been a big wearer of camisoles so asked what brands they used (answers were all over the board) but several suggested I initially either get a pack of men's soft undershirts or go to a thrift store, because the ones I wear at the beginning will get stained anyway, so why spend a lot of money on things I know will get ruined? Preferring a variety of colors, I grabbed four at a local Goodwill and they're washed and ready to go. It felt weird buying size small, but based on the weight loss I've had this summer and the amount of body I'll be losing to the surgery, I know small is what I'll need. Snug (not tight) is good, the ladies said, because it holds the uneven and, to begin with, jiggly parts together (there will be some swelling for an extended period of time). I was surprised to learn that even if I wanted to (which I definitely don't!), it would be 4-6 months before I'd be able to wear a bra. Basic surgical healing takes place within 6 weeks, but it's months before the body becomes accustomed to its new normal. Who knew?!<br />
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The whole fashion aspect is something that's caught me by surprise. Everyone who knows me, knows I'm about as far from a fashionista as you can get; for me, it's all about the comfort! At the same time I do want to look presentable, so a while back I started following the blog <a href="http://idontneedtwo.com/blog">"I Don't Need Two: Mastectomy Fashion Without Reconstruction"</a>, the first fashion blog I'd seen for those who choose not to have reconstruction. Since then I've joined a couple of private Facebook groups, including Fantastic Flat Fashions. Our society/culture is not really ready to accommodate those of us who choose not to have reconstructive surgery, so it's encouraging to see signs that is starting to turn around. I was especially encouraged to read about a group at the Kent State University Fashion School who are focusing on "flat fashion" in their design class this semester. Because no female dress forms are flat, and male forms are (obviously) not shaped like a woman, the group reached out to one of the women in the FFF forum to serve as a "living" dress form. And they've asked her to get input from the Facebook group as to what we'd like to see and need in fashion design. It's been really helpful for me to learn from all these other women about what works and -- equally important -- what doesn't, when it comes to finding things that fit and look flattering. It prompted me to pick up a pretty red blouse when I was shopping for camisoles, because (1) it didn't have any darts and (2) it was high necked with a pretty collar drawing the eye up. I'm thinking it will make a very nice top for Christmas time.<br />
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The other fashion dilemma I've learned about is what the ladies refer to as the "buddha belly". I'm already pear shaped, but that's going to be accentuated after surgery, and I'm not alone with this predicament! It's a common malady for those who choose to stay flat, and suddenly the bottom half of your body seems even larger than it was before. That's a tougher fashion nut to crack, but I am learning some tricks from this amazing group of women who gladly share what they know and learn with one another. <br />
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At my pre-op appointment at the surgeon's office last Friday, Ivan learned how to empty the three drains I'll have, and how to fix a clogged drain should that occur. The whole thing grosses me out and I'm glad I have a husband who isn't squeamish and is willing to take care of things like this for me. I'll gladly keep track on the chart of the amounts he empties from each of the drains, but this southern girl will keep her eyes firmly averted while he's handling the yucky part. Everyone is different, but most women are able to have the drains removed a week or two after surgery (the threshold is less than 30 cc per drain per day before they can be removed). Rarely does the surgeon leave the drains in a third week, because the chance of infection goes up exponentially. In very rare cases, drains are removed after 3 weeks and women have to return weekly for needle draws of the fluid build-up. I'm praying I can have the drains removed after just one week! This Monday I was fitted and then picked out the specialized camisole I'll wear at the very beginning, with it's nifty built-in pockets for the drains.<br />
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I've also started hitting the gym to try and build up some stamina after a summer of being a literal couch potato. I've never been so exhausted in my life as I have this spring and summer. Even when I was so fatigued before and after the celiac diagnosis, I was able to function for a few hours a day. Not so this summer. I've spent most of it planted on my couch or in my bed, with almost zero energy. I can't say I'm setting any records on fire (except maybe how pathetically long it's taking to do even minimal amounts on the treadmill) but I am seeing progress, <i>poco a poco.</i> And some progress is better than none, right? I added in reps on the arm weight machine, too, so that physical therapy after surgery won't do me in. I'll have to work on getting back range of motion, which shouldn't be a big deal with the left arm, but definitely will on the right where they'll be removing lymph nodes. I want to be proactive, too, in learning what I need to do physically to reduce the chances of lymphedema down the road (swelling due to removal of the lymph nodes). Getting these flabby arms in shape is step #1.<br />
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On a happier note: my hair is starting to grow back! I noticed last week that my head felt soft instead of bristly, and this week we can see fuzz! It's growing back kind of weird, there's more around my ears than on top at this point but it <b><i>is</i></b> growing all over. The biggest difference is that my head seems hot a lot now, so when I'm home I rarely have anything on it. Before I had to have a beanie or scarf on all the time because my head was constantly cold. I read on the breastcancer.org site that hair will grow about an inch a month. I think that's optimistic for me, as my hair has always grown very slowly, but I don't think it's unrealistic to think I might have about 2" by the end of the year. I'm really curious as to whether it might come back in a little curly, like many do. I've never had curly hair except for those unfortunate perms, so I think curly or wavy hair would be fun! <br />
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Meanwhile Ivan's been busy with his own medical issues. He finally had the endoscopy and colonoscopy a few weeks ago. The initial report was good, and the two bits they sent out for biopsy came back clear. Yeah! He'll also finally be having minor surgery tomorrow.<br />
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A new wrinkle is that he's been having dizzy spells (for lack of a better term) since early August. He mentioned them early on and at first we wondered if it was a simple matter of needing stronger glasses, so he had an eye exam the 2nd week of August and determined that wasn't the issue (very little change in his prescription from two years ago). Then he maintained what I call "radio silence" on the subject...until it got really bad after the endoscopy/colonoscopy procedure; we think maybe the anesthesia exacerbated the situation, but we honestly don't know. Long story short: he saw his PCP who ordered a CT scan of his brain, but when things got worse that night and he couldn't sleep, we ended up in the ER. As he explained to the doctor, it's not so much feeling dizzy as feeling "off" and unbalanced, like his depth perception is messed up, and it happens even when he's in bed with his eyes closed. It's not constant, but rather triggered by movement: standing up, walking, rolling over in bed...and it's accompanied by a dull ache between his eyes. They did a CT scan at the hospital which didn't show anything so the next thing is to see a neurologist. <br />
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I told Ivan it feels like we're playing Medical Whack A Mole; we deal with one thing and another pops up. This year has been so weird as we've both been hit with what seems like constant, random health issues. I guess it's better to get it all over with in one year? Or at least the bulk of it. My treatment will last through most of the coming year too, but will be so much less than compared to this year. <i>Thank goodness!</i><br />
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It's not just us either. So many friends and family are going through health crises of their own. My prayer list includes many who are dealing with everything from cancer to kidney stones to shingles... And maybe I'm just more tuned in now, but I see so many memes on Facebook that humorously point out how our bodies begin to fail after a certain age. My favorite so far:<br />
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<i><b>Ain't that the truth?! </b></i><br />
Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-13092367125689289582018-08-23T23:18:00.000-03:002018-08-23T23:18:07.967-03:00First Milestone: Chemo is OVER!Almost a month has gone by since my last post. In some ways it's been easier (fewer, less intense side effects after chemo #5) and more difficult in other ways (smoke from the California wild fires blew this way, settled over the Vegas valley and that triggered my asthma which turned into bronchitis).<br />
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Ivan loves to figure out how things work, so after my Neulasta had done its thing last time, and he peeled it off my arm (FYI: Goo Be Gone is great for getting those things off! Made it a lot less painful.) so he could figure out how the mechanism worked. He was intrigued and still not completely clear on how it works, but he sure had fun trying to figure it out! <br />
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With chemo #5, for the first time, I did NOT get the dreaded Taxotere rash, for which I'm very, very thankful! The mouth infection I get every time wasn't as severe either. Double score! Exhaustion and diarrhea, however, continued to keep me down. My oncologist agrees that having celiac disease probably doesn't help; my intestinal system was already compromised and chemo really does a number on it. Glad that in a month that will (hopefully) be all behind me. Insomnia, an ongoing issue for years, continues to be a problem. I'm not sure how much is just same old, same old, and how much is due to chemo. It doesn't help when you have to get up multiple times in the night to run to the bathroom...after a while you just can't get back to sleep, no matter how hard you try. <i>Es lo que hay. </i>Really hoping that chemo #6 mirrors #5, with fewer, less intense side effects! <br />
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I was a little nervous about whether the oncologist would push chemo out a week again, because up through Tuesday, the diarrhea continued (and that's why it got pushed out last time). But, Hallelujah!, I woke up yesterday and did not have to start the day with an Imodium. Thank you Jesus! So we packed up like we always do for chemo day (you'd swear we were moving in!) and off we went, fairly confident things would proceed as planned. And they did!<br />
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<i>Last chemo!!!!</i></div>
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The clinic was the busiest I've ever seen so yesterday I waited 45 minutes to see the doctor, and then more than half an hour for a chair in the chemo room. No kidding, I was the last patient out the door last evening at 6:15. I get a LOT of drugs: two immunotherapy and two chemo along with three drugs that mitigate side effects; that adds up to a lot of time, since they can't be done simultaneously and the main drugs take an hour each while the mitigating drugs take 1/2 or so each, and then they have to put on the Neulasta patch. Made for a long day!<br />
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And it wasn't over yet, because I'd placed an online order at the grocery store to be picked up between 6-7, so we headed straight there since it's 1/2 hour from the clinic. On the way home we also had to stop at CVS to pick up the antibiotics for the bronchitis. I was so tired by the time we got home, I ate supper and crawled into bed! <br />
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But let's back up. Yesterday I found out that it's a tradition to get pink balloons on your last day of chemo. What a fun surprise! I knew about ringing the bell when you finish radiation, but not about the balloons after chemo. Even though I'll still be going back every three weeks for Herceptin, yesterday marked the end of official chemo. <i><b>Woot!</b></i><br />
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<i>Yes, I dress this way for chemo day! Comfortable, lightweight sweat pants rule the day!</i> </div>
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I did manage to lose one of the balloons on the way to the car, but that left two which is just enough for the grandkids 😀 Simon and Betsy were here this morning and they had fun playing with the balloons for a while, and it was fun to see the games they thought up!<br />
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Monday I saw the surgeon. She's totally on board with my decision to go for a bilateral mastectomy, given my family history and the fact that I can't have MRIs (that would help give a clearer picture of what's going on). She was also totally on board with waiting six weeks, to give me time to fully recover from this last chemo and hopefully gain a little energy first. So that puts surgery probably some time the first week of October. <br />
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I was surprised to find out it's an outpatient surgery! But she explained hospitals are not a good place because the chances of getting an infection are higher in, than out, of a hospital. That was something I was concerned about, given my body is so physically depleted (and was before we even started on this cancer journey). There are scenarios where they'd admit me, but I'm hoping we won't run into those. She explained surgery will begin with her placing a radioactive seed under the nipple of the affected breast and they wait to see what, if anything, lights up. The PET scan last month showed a lot less cancer activity in the lymph nodes (none in the breasts) so hopefully the last two chemo treatments will help bring that activity to a complete halt.<br />
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I'm glad Ivan was with me, because he was able to clear up some confusion for me later. From what I understood, she either takes no lymph nodes (if nothing lights up) or she takes out the whole axillary cluster. But Ivan said she told us that if the radioactive seed works, it will show which (if any) nodes need to be removed. However, it may not work well, if chemo has damaged the ducts, and if that's the case, the radioactive material won't be able to travel to the lymph nodes, and then she'd have to remove the whole axillary cluster. If she has to take them all out, I'll be facing issues with <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/lymphedema/symptoms-causes/syc-20374682">lymphedema</a> down the road. Sharon had lympedema pretty badly on the affected side, and I'd wrap her arm with Ace bandages at night (not comfortable!) but later her insurance paid for a special machine she could use daily.<br />
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The surgeon was patient in answering all my questions... Healing will take about 6 weeks, the drains should be out in 2-3 weeks, I'll have a scar all the way across my chest (not going for any type of reconstruction), and she'll determine when I can start radiation. That last is especially a relief, because I was nervous about starting radiation while still healing from surgery.<br />
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Because I'm choosing to wait six weeks for surgery, and it will likely be six weeks after that before I begin radiation, I'm letting go of the expectation that I'll be done with the worst of treatment by the end of the year. I'm just going to plan on radiation continuing into January. If I actually manage to make it through without having to pause, and do get done by the end of the year, then I'll be happily surprised! But if I don't, I won't be surprised or too sad. Ivan tells me I'm too pessimistic, but I say I'm just being realistic 😉 <br />
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Actually I'm learning it's just the way I'm made. I've been reading up on the Enneagram, and taken the test which confirmed I'm totally a 6. Early in August I read <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Reading-People-through-Personality-Everything-ebook/dp/B06XC2MVCB/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1535067701&sr=8-1&keywords=reading+people+how+seeing+the+world+through+the+lens+of+personality">"Reading People" by Anne Bogel,</a> who delves into the various ways we determine personality. Fascinating book! I read it and then started reading it aloud to Ivan before my voice gave out from the smoke induced asthma. I've just finished reading the sections on 6s in both <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Road-Back-You-Enneagram-Self-Discovery/dp/0830846190/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1535067734&sr=1-1-spons&keywords=the+road+back+to+you&psc=1">"The Road Back to You"</a> and its companion <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Path-Between-Us-Enneagram-Relationships/dp/0830846425/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1535067759&sr=1-1-spons&keywords=the+path+between+us&psc=1">"The Path Between Us"</a> and although I'm not a 'perfect' six, I do match 95% of the description. It can be rather disconcerting because most of what's written is about the negative aspects of each number. But in "The Road Back to You", the author explains that's because it's easier for people to see the negatives in themselves than the positives, so it's a lot easier to determine your number. They do talk about the positive aspects, which helps, but I'm thankful for them shining the spotlight on the negatives and giving concrete suggestions on how to change those parts of yourself that make you cringe. (And believe me, I cringed a lot while reading about 6s!)<br />
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I've had a hard time reading this summer because <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/chemo-brain/symptoms-causes/syc-20351060">chemo brain</a> (yes, it's a real thing!) has made it hard to focus or concentrate. I only managed to read two books each in May, June and July. But this month I'm picking up the pace -- albiet a slower pace -- that's allowing me to get back to reading more often. I've actually read 9 books this month! Well, 7 whole books and parts of the two I mentioned. I do want to go back and read about the other Enneagram numbers, but all in due time.<br />
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I binged read the trilogy by Marisa de los Santos featuring the same characters: "Love Walked In", followed by "Belong to Me" and then ""I'll Be Your Blue Sky". I have to admit I started with the last first, because I didn't know it was the last of three! I enjoyed it so much, I didn't mind going back to read the beginning. And they really are stand alone books, but so much more delicious together! They're not typical romance novels at all; each is imbued with a mystery that slowly unfolds, as do the characters. I also enjoyed the newest book by Linda Castillo whose protagonist is the chief of police in a small town with a heavy Amish and Mennonite presence, who herself grew up Amish. Her books can be rather dark, but aren't heavy on the blood and gore, so I can handle them. What I like is how the main characters have developed throughout the series, and that I rarely figure out "who done it" ahead of time. Is there anything more frustrating than figuring out the end at the beginning of a book?! I think not! I also read a couple of books that I put in the "well, I'll never get those hours back again" category. Not absolutely horrible -- I give books 2-3 chapters and then I'm outta there if they don't keep my interest -- but also not worth mentioning by name.<br />
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Summer here is starting to wind down. We've gone from an average of 108 down to the low 100s, and everyone tells us in a month it will start to get bearable again. I'm all for that! I'm hopeful that as the weather cools down, I'll start feeling better and be up to exploring the area. Ivan's done a bit on his own and with Tina and family, but I've pretty much been a hermit since we moved here. Anyone been to Vegas or Nevada and have suggestions of places we should visit? Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-81030306408404829122018-07-25T19:28:00.000-03:002018-07-25T21:31:15.139-03:00Three Months InThree months ago yesterday I had my first chemo treatment. It's been a rocky ride ever since... <br />
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The good news is the PET scan I had last week showed the cancer has not spread!<br />
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The bad news is I've had such a rough time since the last round of chemo that my oncologist has pushed the next treatment out for a week to give me more time to recover. On the one hand I'm grateful for the additional time because I truly feel miserable, but I'm slightly bummed because this just means it'll take longer to finish. My hope of getting through the worst of the treatment plan before the end of the year is starting to fade.<br />
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The good news is my sister came to visit! I wish I'd felt better and been able to do more, but I'm just so grateful she came to be with me for a few days. One night we had dinner at Tina's and the grands enjoyed having her read to them.<br />
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The bad news is the engine light in the car came on again. It was in the shop for 8 days, and the light came on within an hour of picking it up so back it went. They adjusted something and the light went off... and now it's back on. It's probably an easy adjustment but a pain that I have to take it back. It ain't happening today though; maybe I'll feel up to driving it over tomorrow.<br />
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The good news is Ivan's in Indiana celebrating his mom's 97th birthday! Her birthday is actually Sunday but the family is gathering today. I'm sad to be missing the party, but thankful Ivan could be there for it.<br />
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The bad news is...<br />
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Oh, let's just forget the bad news!<br />
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My sister and I watched <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1278469/">Temple Grandin</a> while she was here. I'd seen the movie years ago, but it's a favorite and I enjoyed watching it again. Beth's an occupational therapist in the school system, so she works regularly with autistic kids and she found the movie to be as inspiring as I did. Have you ever seen it? Highly recommend it! I've seen the real Temple Grandin interviewed on a news magazine show (can't remember which one) and she's an amazing woman. FYI, the movie is free on amazon prime video.<br />
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I found out from my sister that my favorite television series is also available on amazon prime video!!! <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Closer">The Closer</a> featuring Kyra Sedgwick as Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson of the LAPD. I'd just finished re-watching all 15 seasons of NCIS so perfect timing! I just want to say to amazon, "Thank you! Thank you so much!" <br />
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Our grandkids continue to bring such joy to our lives. We get to see Simon and Betsy often, and we FaceTime multiple times a week (and Marco Polo!) with the California grands (and their parents of course 😉).<br />
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I've had the chance to spend time with just my daughter, and with my daughter and sister... do I even need to say how precious that has been?! Had so much fun with those two last evening, trying on some of the pretty <a href="https://cristinaherschberger.noondaycollection.com/shop/new-arrivals/">Noonday pieces</a> Tina has bought for herself and when she does trunk shows as an Ambassador for the company. I've never been big on jewelry but Noonday has changed my thinking; not only is their stuff absolutely gorgeous, but I love knowing that when I buy something, I'm helping another woman somewhere else in the world to provide for her family. These women are using their ingenuity to produce stunning jewelry and accessories. Women helping women pursue their passion and creativity: what's not to love?! And it has made gift buying sooooo much easier, because they have so many diverse pieces in their collection that I'm bound to find something for everyone, from teens to those my age and older.<br />
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After so much trouble and grief with our health insurance company in May and June, things are finally turning around and we've had some really helpful people start to get things straightened out both here and back in Indiana. Things are not completely resolved yet, but the end is in sight. <br />
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I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am for <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_conditioning">Willis Carrier</a>, the father of modern air conditioning, as well as all those curious minds from before who kept looking for efficient ways of cooling the air. The low last night was 90 degrees. It's 113 degrees right now. Need I say more?<br />
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In three more months, hopefully it will be significantly cooler <i><b>and</b></i> I'll be that much closer to being done with treatment. <i>Bring it on!</i>Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-78438177653871622052018-07-12T22:58:00.002-03:002018-07-12T22:58:50.423-03:00A Small LifeI was talking to my sister yesterday and mentioned I felt my life had become very small. I'm glad it's only for a season that the walls in my (small) apartment encompass 99% of my life. I'd probably go crazy if I thought this was a situation that went on indefinitely. So I'm focusing on getting through the next two months, after which chemo will end, and life will go back to "normal". Until surgery that is...and then radiation. Pretty sure recovering from surgery will involve more of this small life as I heal from a bilateral mastectomy. I've heard radiation can be exhausting (and painful) but with both surgery and radiation, I should have far fewer side effects that I'm struggling with now.<br />
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I might be having fewer side effects even sooner. Despite the tweaks this last time, I was still slammed with chronic diarrhea and the Taxotere rash. Because of that, it's highly likely that my oncologist will eliminate Taxotere from my regime entirely. Since Taxotere is responsible for the majority of my side effects (we think), the final two rounds of chemo might be much more manageable. I'm on board with that!<br />
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From what I understand, the oncologist will be making a decision about the Taxotere based on two things: the way my body has been reacting to it (badly), and the results of the PET scan I'll be having next Monday. Praying the scan shows the chemo has been effective in minimizing both the cancer activity and area!<br />
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We were pretty shocked that the PET scan was approved...and so quickly! Definitely a first with this insurance company. What's funny is that such an expensive procedure was approved in less than a week, while approval for a simple prescription drug to help with the chronic diarrhea took 10 days. Go figure. I'll be going in tomorrow for that injection.<br />
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I've pretty much lived in my pajamas for a week (not the same ones. ha!), only getting dressed to go for blood work the other day and when Tina and the grands came over for supper last night. Tina and Kyle are doing the Whole 30 this month so she made supper: a yummy zoodle dish with chicken sausage and a red sauce. We also had a delicious caprese salad made with heirloom tomatoes, basil Ivan's growing on our tiny patio, and goat cheese (well, Tina didn't get the goat cheese because no dairy on the Whole 30). I'm doing very little cooking these days, so that meal was a real treat!<br />
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I've heard a lot about Whole 30 but I'm pretty sure I could not live without cheese for a month. I've had an internal debate about which would be harder to give up: chocolate or cheese, and although they run neck and neck, I think I'd give up chocolate before I gave up cheese. So glad I don't have to give up either!<br />
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Back in March I wrote about <a href="http://kimfromthesouth.blogspot.com/2018/03/a-holding-pattern.html">grieving all the small losses</a>, and that still holds true. I'd like to say I've risen above that, but the truth is I haven't and probably won't. And I'm okay with that, because <i>hey!, </i>I'm human. Right now I'm feeling a little blue about what I consider my small life: being limited in what I can eat (my body doesn't seem to like a lot of things these days), or do (because of side effects and serious lack of energy), and spending 99% of my time in a small apartment. But that's offset by the fact that I really love my small apartment. Ivan and Tina have helped me make it a home, and for the first time in years we have art on our walls. And while it's small, it's the perfect size for us right now.<br />
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Our art is very personal. We decided years ago to collect art prints whenever we traveled. Prints weigh practically nothing and can be packed flat in a suitcase. And early on we decided we'd focus on what I'd call architectural art, because we both really love that kind of thing. So we have prints of buildings and structures from Uruguay, Ireland, Argentina, and various places here in the U.S. We just bought cheap white frames from IKEA and Walmart, so although they're different sizes and styles, somehow they work together. I did notice after we'd put them up, they all have a little red in them; in some it's a bright red, others more muted, but I think that helps too. Each print carries with it a memory of a place and time, a story...part of our story. <br />
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I can sit on my couch and see our only original oil paintings directly opposite, all by a dear friend, Juan Colle, who was an artist and pastor in Argentina. He died the year after we moved to Argentina and we still feel his loss. I'm so grateful we have these paintings. They remind us not only of him and his family, but also our life in Argentina. Two of the paintings are of the Plaza San Martin in Córdoba capital, one in summer and one in late fall/winter...a place we walked through numerous times over the years. Another is the lane going to the camp Ivan attended every year growing up, and visited a few times while we lived in Argentina. And finally, a church in the province of Córdoba, that we gave to friends many years ago and they just re-gifted back to us to fill the blank spot on our wall. It goes so perfectly with the others! <br />
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Also from my couch, if I look left to the built-in shelves, I can enjoy the original acrylic painting done by our precious friend, Magdalena, who used a photo we'd taken of the river by our house to create a landscape that never ceases to cause my heart to constrict just a little.<br />
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Hanging beside is a metal sign we had commissioned for our little <i>casita</i>. We met the sign maker at the big artisan <i>feria</i> in Córdoba our very first year in Argentina, and loved his work so much we ended up buying signs to give as gifts to a lot of our family and friends back in the states. His style is very traditional Argentine. Before we returned to the states we bought another one: "Buen Provecho" ("may it profit you", meaning the meal) that I knew I wanted to hang in our dining area. Below it we put one of the few non-architectural art prints we have, of a man drinking máte because that seemed to fit the space so well.<br />
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Across from that is a print that Ivan's mom owned for many years, and I told her I wanted it when she was done with it. That happened when she moved into medical care after breaking her hip. I think she likes knowing it's well loved and used by someone in the family. Betsy calls it "the food picture".<br />
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Although I love all our art, my favorite wall is the one in our bedroom where Tina helped me create a whole gallery of family photos. I have space for one more frame in the upper left corner. My plan is to have large prints of Jon's family, Tina's family, the grands all together, along with the canvas print from the family photo shoot the kids gifted us in 2016, and then 8x10s of the grands. I'd like to always keep one of their baby pictures on display (there's an empty one waiting for Eisley's picture), along with a current one.<br />
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Still to be hung are three original pen and inks, which I plan to put over the bed... but not until we finish making a fabric headboard (partially done) and get that in place. Once those are up, I'll be sure to take a photo of that wall. Two of the pictures are by a friend we've known for many years. The other is by the brother of another friend, and has a funny story to go with it (but I'll wait to share that when I share a picture of them hanging above our new headboard). <br />
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So while my life may seem small right now, confined by the walls of my apartment, those same walls bring great joy as I gaze at dear faces, or pictures that bring back precious memories. Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-22864620669931237602018-07-06T10:24:00.001-03:002018-07-06T11:05:08.050-03:00Family Time<h3>
<i>(And what I'm learning on this journey)</i></h3>
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We had the <i><b>best</b></i> visit recently when Jon, Natalie and the girls flew in from California and we had all the family together for four glorious days! And this Nina got to hold baby Eisley to her heart's content 💕 She's so tiny and adorable and precious! All my grandchildren are adorable and precious, but I'd never had the privilege of holding one so tiny because we were overseas when all the others were born. Eisley was 7 weeks old while they were here and I just soaked up all that baby goodness! She and I became great buddies, and as my cousin predicted, she'll be my "partner in mischief" in years to come.<br />
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I did, on occasion, allow others to hold her, especially Papa who is as smitten with her as I am.<br />
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We didn't have an agenda except to hang out and enjoy one another. Lots of pool time in the mornings when one end of the pool was shaded. One morning was spent visiting the very cool children's museum and the container park. Lots of good food was shared, we had a fun evening with the cousins, and we just enjoyed watching the kids play together. We weren't sure how well they'd do, since 2, 3 and 4 year olds are not known for sharing or playing well together, but overall they did great! Betsy was fascinated by "Baby Eisley" as she called her, and Tina took so many great photos during the visit, including this one of Betsy helping Papa feed her. Betsy loves her baby dolls, and having a live one was a dream come true.<br />
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Betsy also really enjoyed having another girl to do girly things with, like put on pretend "meekup".<br />
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Simon and Adalyn had a different dynamic, much more active and at times frenetic, like when they started twirling around and around. I'm not sure how many pictures Tina had to take to get this one. They were perpetual motion!<br />
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I got a big kick out of Simon, who on day two of the visit arrived at our door with
his face shining with joy and said, "Nina! You know my friends who were
here yesterday? They are here today too!"<br />
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Their arrival on a Sunday worked out great to get together that evening with the cousins. Simon was so happy to see "Aunt" Kathy. Since they spent over a month with Paul and Kathy when they first arrived in Vegas, the kids got to know and love them like the rest of us do, but Simon especially became quite attached to his special buddy. He absolutely loved helping Kathy with chores; give the boy a job and he's in heaven!<br />
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It was so sweet to see Lizzie and Willys together too. Aren't they the cutest?!<br />
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Our sister-in-law was in North Carolina with family so we didn't get to see her that evening. Ivan will be seeing the whole clan again this Sunday when they gather to celebrate a milestone birthday for Lizzie but I'll miss that, seeing as how I just had chemo and I know from experience I won't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. I have to say, it's been a HUGE blessing having other family here who know the ropes, where to find things, how to go about getting things done...<br />
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But back to the visit.<br />
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I was dealing with some chemo side effects that prevented me from doing the museum and park on their last day, but I received photos throughout the morning so I didn't feel left out. This has to be one of the best children's museum in the country! The kids could pretend to work on cars...<br />
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...go shopping, and so much else. They have costumes and a stage, a "water" room, so many hands-on activities!<br />
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Then they stopped for a bit at the container park where the kids could play with these enormous blocks (among other things). Didn't stay too long, though, because it was HOT that day. We've been experiencing temps above 100 consistently, and that day I think it got up to 108.<br />
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Then it was back to our place for the final few hours of their visit. After lunch the kids were running around and playing and, at one point, all piled into our bed to pretend to sleep. Haha! That wasn't going to happen! They were way too wound up!<br />
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Occasionally one of the kids would find their way to me (always holding the baby!) to admire Eisley and elicit one of her breathtakingly beautiful smiles.<br />
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Papa got his share of attention too. All our grands absolutely adore their Papa!<br />
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Tina had Ivan use her camera to get this shot of her and Jon with their two youngest. I'm so grateful for her making it a priority to get lots of pictures! This is just a handful, and I keep going back and looking at all the photos and reliving the memories we made.<br />
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Two of my favorite pictures are these last two: us with all the grands, and just the grands.<br />
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Can I just say: Too precious for words!!!<br />
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*******</div>
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Health Updates:</div>
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I've been absent from the blog this past month because chemo has been kicking my bum. Along with the extreme fatigue, chronic diarrhea, mouth infection, constantly watering eyes, change in taste buds, interrupted sleep patterns, and those occasions where I'm just shaky all day... the infamous Taxotere rash just won't leave me alone. Even though they lowered my Taxotere by 25% on round three of chemo, I had the rash not once, but twice! As a preventative measure they'd prescribed a six-day steroid pack, so I was prepared when the rash popped up on my hands again and I immediately started taking the meds. It stopped it from progressing but, even so, my hands are now at the peeling stage. And on the day I took the last dose from that pack, the rash began appearing on my arms, legs and knees and bottom of my feet 😢 I called the doctor's office and they called in another prescription for a six-day steroid pack. I was on steroids almost the entire three weeks between round 3 and 4. <i>*sigh*</i><br />
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I had my fourth chemo treatment July 3rd, and Dr. Parikh tweaked a number of things, as he's trying to address not only the rash, but the chronic diarrhea. He lowered both the Taxotere and Carboplatin, removed the anti-nausea meds I'd been getting intravenously during treatment, and also the Neulasta patch, which boosts your white blood cell count to reduce infection risk. I'll be getting blood work done weekly now, so they can monitor that white blood cell count in particular and make sure it doesn't get too out of whack and prevent me from staying on track with the chemo schedule.<br />
<br />
Normally things go sideways 3-4 days after treatment. Last night I was up and down coughing a lot, and some intestinal discomfort, but nothing like it's been the last three times, so I'm hopeful the tweaks are working. But we'll have to see how the next few days go before we can say for sure. I've been dealing with more nausea since he removed the anti-nausea piece from treatment, but I'd personally rather have nausea than diarrhea, so I'm okay with that.<br />
<br />
As for Ivan, things are proceeding but slowly. He met with a primary care physician last month who we both really like. He gave him a thorough examination and took time to talk through a number of issues Ivan's been having, and ordered several tests. And then things kind of ground to a halt. The order for the CT scan was approved, which Ivan has to have every six months for two years to follow-up on the cancer he had removed last year. But the scheduler in the doctor's office totally dropped the ball on the other things: endoscopy/colonoscopy (yep, he's going to get them both done in one shot), and hernia repair.<br />
<br />
A big problem we're encountering is -- shocker! -- due to our insurance. Ambetter is new in Nevada and while a lot of doctor's signed on initially, they quickly dropped out when Ambetter was less than accommodating on approvals, payments, etc. So finding specialists who will accept the insurance has been like finding a needle in a haystack. Ivan played phone tag with the schedule for 10 days, with us finally looking up who was in network, and then never hearing back from her.<br />
<br />
Ivan had a follow-up appointment yesterday afternoon to go over his CT scan. Almost did the happy dance right there in the doctor's office when we heard there's still no sign of any cancer! But the scan showed he has two inguinal hernias, not just one. The doctor was pretty disgusted to hear the scheduler hadn't followed through on getting those other things lined up, so today Ivan will be calling a scheduler in a different office (this practice has several locations around the city) who the doctor says will get things handled. Sure hope so!<br />
<br />
Ivan's been having some pretty severe back pain recently. This has been an ongoing problem throughout the years, and periodically it flares up. The doctor printed out some exercises for him to try, told him to keep doing his nightly cardio on the treadmill, and use the pool as often as he can. His sedentary job does not help. I'm really proud of him for starting an exercise regime recently and sticking to it faithfully!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
******* </div>
<br />
2018 has sure turned out to be a year of big changes. The move out west has been good, but we could have done without all the health issues. <i><b>Or maybe not. </b></i>Still not sure of all God is trying to teach us through this, but glimmers of His plan shine through on occasion. In my devotional this morning, it says: "You tend to feel guilty about pushing back the boundaries of your life to make space for time alone with me. The world is waiting to squeeze you into its mold and to crowd out time devoted to Me. The ways of the world have also warped your conscience, which punishes you for doing the very thing that pleases Me most: seeking My Face." When God brings you to a screeching halt physically, you suddenly find that time.<br />
<br />
Last fall when I began counseling one-on-one with my spiritual director, she asked me what I felt God was saying to me. The first word that popped into my head was "Rest". I was so tired, but had no time to stop or even slow down. The remainder of 2017 went by in a blur of one family crisis after another. It's no wonder I got so sick at the very end of the year; I was exhausted on every level. But getting so sick also led to the cancer diagnosis that, otherwise, might have taken much longer and proven much more serious. (Not to say this isn't serious, but stage three is better than stage four!) I'm certainly getting that rest now...it's all I <i>can</i> do.<br />
<br />
Over the past few years I've been learning (and re-learning) that what God wants most of me is not what I can do, but who I can be. He wants me to focus on being His beloved child, not on rushing about "doing" all the time. Yes, we are called to "do" His will, but I think as believers we too often get caught up in the doing, and miss out on simply <b><i>being in His presence</i></b>. Finding balance seems to be a big message He's sending me. I've spent my whole life caring for others, in what I might call "maternal mode", but too often to the detriment of my relationship with Him. After all, He doesn't need mothering! It's a radical shift to go from that "maternal mode" to "child mode" where we can rest in His presence, in His plans for us, and simply trust. Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-22697274344908132242018-06-07T02:53:00.000-03:002018-06-07T16:24:16.550-03:00The Taxotere Rash <h3>
(which sounds like a dance move, but it's not) </h3>
<br />
I can hardly believe it's June already! This year has literally flown by, with so much happening that it's "inconceivable" <i>[name that movie for 10 points!] </i>to
find ourselves living in Las Vegas when, on January 1st, the only thing
I could think about was trying to breathe after my asthma flared up and
bronchitis hit. This will no doubt go down in the annals of Hoyt
history as the year Kim got sick and stayed sick for the entirety of 2018. <br />
<br />
I find myself telling time in terms of
treatments. I suspect a lot of cancer patients do that. I also have a
little game going as to who "wins" each week. Last week "defeated" me, as
my Ugandan friends would say. <br />
<br />
Along with all the
other side effects I've gotten each time, a painful, burn-like rash
appeared on my hands and face. The hands were the worst, bright red
creeping across knuckles and up and down the thumbs. Healing has begun, burned skin peeling and new skin feeling taut, but no longer hurting. My face is splotchy, not too bad except around my eyes, which are still ouchy. <br />
<br />
Thankfully
I have a proactive oncology team and was able to talk daily with my
nurse last week, and we stopped by the office so she and the nurse
practitioner could look at the rash. They put me on steroids and an anti
viral medicine (covering all their bases?), and I'm using Systane Ultra
eye drops. My cousin Ruth told me about Aquaphor, which I'm using on my
hands. I guess it has lots of uses, and one of them is soothing burns.<br />
<br />
Those
who know me, know I immediately jumped into researcher mode and learned
all I could about the infamous "Taxotere rash". I read articles by
the American Cancer Society, Mayo Clinic, the British NCIH site... I
avoided the quack med sites since they have nothing substantive to say.
Long story short, it would appear the level of Taxotere given this last
time was too toxic for my system. The nurse practitioner agreed we need
to lower it next time and see how it goes.<br />
<br />
Taxotere
has been found to be very effective when used in conjunction with other
chemo drugs, to extend life expectancy. With the addition of Taxotere,
72% of women were still living 5 years later, compared to around 60%
without it. So it has it's place. But the trick is determining the
quantity needed without being too much. Typically they factor the amount
based on weight. Since I've had some pretty serious health issues the
last few years, leaving my body already compromised before even
beginning treatment, that has to be part of the equation as well.<br />
<br />
I'm
grateful for the wonderful men and women in the oncologist's office who
really care about me, the person, and not just me, the patient. One
thing we learned while living overseas was that you have to advocate for
yourself. I'm thankful I can do that AND have others advocate for me as
well.<br />
<br />
Ivan is my #1 advocate and one thing he's pushed
for all month is to get a case manager so we don't keep getting bounced
around with our insurance company. His persistence paid off and we
finally have one! It's such a relief, and the person assigned to us
seems really kind, plus she's an R.N. I think it will make a huge
difference going forward (especially with Ivan's blood pressure!).<br />
<br />
On
drives to various appointments and tests, we've seen some really funny
signs. My favorite was a huge banner across a new condominium complex
that read "Amazing Ocean Views" and in smaller letters below: "Just
Kidding!" The complex ran along a dry river bed. <br />
<br />
Another that made us laugh out loud was a garage sale sign: "Awesome crap you didn't even know you must have!"<br />
<br />
What can I say? We take our amusement where we can find it.<br />
<br />
Getting
more excited as the countdown gets closer to a visit from Jon, Natalie
and the girls. Pretty sure we'll have amusement overload with all the
grandkids together! They arrive 10 days after my next round of chemo, so
praying I'm over the bad part by then and feeling decent. I really want
to be able to enjoy snuggling the new baby, and watching the antics of
the 2, 3 and 4 year olds!<br />
<br />
I'm also hoping it isn't quite
this hot when they visit. It's been in the low 100s consistently. I have
to say, it hasn't bothered me as much as the heat did in Indiana; take
away the humidity and it really does make a difference. Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-88442760301396132042018-05-27T01:09:00.001-03:002018-05-27T01:09:58.453-03:00Moving ahead...I'm determined to make sure this blog doesn't become all about cancer, but since that's such a big part of my life right now, it's going to take a balancing act.<br />
<br />
So how about we start with happy things this time around?!<br />
<br />
Little by little we are making this apartment our home. Thanks to
Tina, we were mostly settled in with what we had by end of day one. But
since we'd brought very little furniture, we've had to do some
shopping. I've scored great deals at a furniture consignment store, the
Habitat for Humanity ReStore, IKEA, Amazon and my latest favorite:
Wayfair. Both of our kids gave me gift certificates to Wayfair for
Mother's Day! They know me so well 😂 I've always loved "nesting" and
doing my best to create a calm, restful space to call home. The process
of doing that this time has proven to be quite stress relieving in the midst
of all the medical and insurance drama, and it just makes my heart happy
to make things pretty. The world could use more pretty things, don't
you think?! <br />
<br />
Have y'all heard of the
Marco Pollo app, where you create video messages and form little groups
with whom to share them? Our kids got us going on this, and we have a
family group which is SO FUN! It's so nice to hear that little ding on
our phones and know that either Jon or Tina has posted a short video.
You know, grandparents can sit and watch a cooing baby face for a <b><i>really
</i></b> long time, totally mesmerized by their beauty! Or laugh at the silly
antics of the older grandchildren. What <i><b>will</b></i> they think of next!?<br />
<br />
And because I am the quintessential grandmother, of course I have to share some adorable photos of my adorable grandkids 😘<br />
<br />
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Adalyn is as besotted with her baby sister as the rest of us. Aren't they absolutely precious?! Counting down the days until I get to see them!<br />
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I think they are going to be best friends, don't you?<br />
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I've mentioned the pool which the kids love (and Papa too!). So refreshing on hot days! I've not been in yet, but it's only a matter of time. Once I start feeling better and gaining some energy, I'll be joining them.<br />
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Simon loves, loves, loves to help Papa with projects. I ordered a set of Eames style mid-century modern chairs from Amazon and picked up a Tulip style table from IKEA for our dining nook, and Simon was Papa's #1 assistant on assembling those. I'm going to have to get his picture with a pencil stuck behind his ear like one of his favorite cartoon characters, Handy Manny. (The chairs around the table in the background are extra folding chairs we picked up for when we are more than four, and they are seriously the most comfortable folding chair I've ever sat on.)<br />
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And I'll finish up the cuteness allowance with this picture of Betsy, in her favorite spot in our apartment: the walk-in closet. Girl not only likes to play in there, it's where she takes naps (her choice!). Such a funny, sweet girl 💗💗💗💗 Love how each of my grandkids is so different and unique and special. <br />
<br />
Today Ivan and I celebrated our 39th anniversary by going out to breakfast at Mon Ami Gabi's, a lovely restaurant with some great gluten free options. I had the lightest, fluffiest, best waffles in my life! Usually gluten free baked goods tend to be heavy, but I really don't think I've ever had a better waffle, with or without gluten!<br />
<br />
I'm <i><b>so deeply grateful</b></i> to be this man's wife as he continues to love and cherish me in sickness as well as health! <br />
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<br />
And then we came home and I'm hunkered down as day-four-after-chemo side effects hit. At least it doesn't seem to be as bad this time and I'm hoping the trend continues. <br />
<br />
But backing up... We left off last week with me in limbo regarding chemo when our insurance still hadn't come through for us. Ivan continued working the phones for hours on Thursday, Friday, and Monday but it wasn't until 9 a.m. Tuesday we learned I'd been approved for chemo -- which was scheduled for 9:45! To be honest, we'd been disappointed so often we weren't expecting the approval and had to rush around to get ready and out the door <i>pronto! </i>But we made it, and after meeting with the nurse practitioner first (since the oncologist wasn't in that day), chemo recommenced.<br />
<br />
I felt better prepared this time, after a "chemo class" the week before, where the physician's assistant walked us through each of the side effects I'd struggled with the first round, and how we could mitigate and deal with them. I'm already experiencing fewer and less intense side effects. I think it also helps that I'm getting less chemo (they really blast you the first time and then ease up on subsequent treatments). Plus I'm not on antibiotics like I was last time which, along with the steroids they give you to offset other side effects, created the perfect storm for a horrible yeast infection in my mouth. I won't lie, I was a big baby for two weeks until the appropriately named Miracle Mouth Rinse finally cleared that up. <br />
<br />
But the biggest factor in experiencing fewer and less intense side effects is, I'm convinced, that I'm not packing and moving across the country right after a chemo treatment, so MUCH LESS STRESS. I'd highly recommend that no one else try that daring feat, because it almost <i><b>did.me.in.</b></i><br />
<br />
In other medical news, I had a brain CT scan on Monday. Fastest test yet, at just about five minutes. I told Ivan they must not have found anything to scan. "If I Only Had A Brain" from the Wizard of Oz immediately came to mind 😉 Since we haven't received a call about the results, I'm assuming everything checked out okay.<br />
<br />
Continuing to deal with insurance stuff. Ivan spent another hour and a half on the phone yesterday as we are still trying to get assigned the primary care physician we want. He's been calling for three weeks about this, and every time we're told it's being handled and within 72 hours he can set up an appointment. And every time he calls the doctor's office, he's told we are <i><b>not</b></i> on the list yet! <i>So frustrating, you have no idea.</i> We've asked for a case manager with AMBetter so we don't keep getting booted around, and going through the same rigamarole every single time, but we were told they don't do that. But somehow (?!) Ivan ended up talking this Friday to the same person he'd talked to last Friday (coincidence? I don't think so! Thank you Jesus!) and when he pointed out she'd failed to follow through on a single promise she'd made, I think she felt guilty enough to go the extra mile and call the doctor's office herself and talk to someone in billing.<br />
<br />
That meant Ivan was finally able to make an appointment, but not with the PCP we wanted because he doesn't have any openings until July. Ivan had been scheduled for an endoscopy in April because our doctor in Indiana thinks he has ulcers, but we naively thought it would be better to wait and get it done here (since, you know, life was a little crazy between me starting chemo and trying to move cross country at that point). We had no idea it would take more than two months to get this handled! He has an appointment to see another doctor in the same practice as the PCP we want on June 6th, at which point he'll get rescheduled for that endoscopy and hopefully we'll find out what's going on. Ulcers? Gallbladder? Something else entirely? We just want to know what's going on so we can address the issue.<br />
<br />
Today was a perfectly beautiful day here in Las Vegas, with a high of
just 81. Sad I wasn't able to spend more time outdoors, because the
intense heat arrives this week and I don't think we'll have a break
until fall. We've been told by many here that this Spring has been quite
mild, and that last year this time it was already up around 110! I'm
grateful for God's grace in easing us into the hotter climate. I recall
our years in Florida back in the 80s when I'd get the kids up early to
go grocery shopping (most of the big stores were open 24 hours even back
then) so we could be home and back in the air conditioned apartment by 9
a.m. Pretty sure that's how I'll survive Nevada summers too! Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-82141295673512111452018-05-19T03:45:00.001-03:002018-05-19T14:33:53.559-03:00Waiting is not my strong suitWarning: Long post. You might want to make a cup of tea or pour a glass of wine. You might be a while, if you make it all the way through this post. And be prepared for a lot of VENTING.<br />
<br />
So much has happened in the past month and I've had neither time nor energy to write. In fact, I've felt pretty miserable most of the month. My hope that the side effects would be confined to dry mouth, nausea and the occasional headache was just that: a hope. Reality set in four days after chemo when a bunch of stuff hit at once. I won't go into details but let's just say there wasn't a part of me that didn't hurt. I lost 13 lbs in two weeks. The trip to Nevada was, without a doubt, the WORST trip ever; I couldn't even keep water down. It took me a week to recuperate and be ready to move into our apartment.<br />
<br />
God granted energy and a mostly pain-free two days that allowed me to help at least a little with the move last Friday and Saturday. But honestly, the bulk of what was accomplished was due to our daughter who was a woman on a mission! On Friday she helped Ivan unload the pod and then, while I slowly unpacked kitchen boxes and put things away, she whipped through, organizing the bathroom, bedroom, big walk in closet (that's serving double duty as both closet and storage space) and started on the living room by unpacking and putting books on shelves. Later that evening Ivan and Kyle picked up the couch we'd found at a furniture consignment store. Saturday Tina took me shopping (this was our third outing specifically looking for furniture) and we found some nice big, tall end tables at a ReStore. Do you know how hard it is to find nice big, tall end tables?! What's the deal with all these tiny, short tables being passed off as end tables today? The arms on our couch are 27" high, and it would look downright silly to put little 20" tall tables next to it.<br />
<br />
Sunday I started feeling yukky again and that lasted through Tuesday morning. Ugh! As if feeling physically ill wasn't enough, the emotional fallout of this week has been intense. Our insurance, AMBetter, has been an absolute nightmare. I was supposed to get a CT scan, but the morning of the appointment, it was canceled because they hadn't received approval yet. And Wednesday I learned they still hadn't approved my next chemo so that, too, was canceled for Thursday. Ivan has spent SO MUCH TIME on the phone, it's ridiculous. Every.single.time. they start out by telling us we're not in the system. Ivan persists and "Oh, yes, here you are!" happens. But that's about it. I know the people we're dealing with are just the worker ants and they're all taught to sound sympathetic and helpful, but the truth is they are just giving you a run-around and nothing actually gets done.<br />
<br />
Ivan's been calling daily since May 4th, trying to get us assigned the primary care physician we want (who is in network). That still hasn't happened! How hard can it be to put our names on a specific list?! He's been calling multiple times a day since Wednesday and it's been<i><b> </b></i><b><i>so frustrating! </i></b>We did learn Thursday that a big part of the problem is that the folks at AMBetter were looking at our old policy in Indiana and saying I was no longer a client. Duh, no I'm no longer a client in Indiana, but I sure am in Nevada! (None of the call centers are in Nevada; he's talked to people in several different states but none of them our own.)<br />
<br />
Today Ivan spent at least two hours on the phone. He was on hold for 20 minutes the first time and then they hung up on him. That's happened several times this week. He's learned to immediately ask for a supervisor because those who answer the phone have no authority to do anything anyway, so it's completely useless talking to them. With some coaching from our daughter we are learning how to deal, and today Ivan asked for the supervisor's full name and for her extension in case the call got dropped. The upshot of that call is that we learned the two tests the doctor ordered were being held up because the person reviewing them had flagged them as requiring "peer to peer" review. But no real news on why the chemo is being held up.<br />
<br />
Ivan called our contact at the doctor's office and told her about the peer to peer review requirement, and a few hours later she called back to say that had been handled and I'd been approved for both tests! So some progress. I'm thankful my oncologist is being proactive and jumped right on that, once he knew. Would have been nice if AMBetter had communicated that with him directly. We only found out because of Ivan's persistence in calling and calling. We're all hoping that Monday we'll get approval for the chemo. Our contact at the doctor's office said that now I'm in the system, things should start moving along. <br />
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If not, we're prepared to keep calling AMBetter AND file a complaint with the Nevada Commissioner of Insurance. We've already filed one with the Better Business Bureau. Is the tactic by insurances companies to make it so difficult that people just give up? That's not gonna happen here! My husband is like a bulldog and he's not going to let it go until there's resolution and I can resume my treatments. It's ridiculous that it should be this difficult to get approval for a treatment that literally has life or death consequences. Tuesday I'm rescheduled for chemo IF I get approved; that day marks four weeks since my first treatment...they're supposed to be given in 21 day cycles.<br />
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Aside from all the insurance drama and my low energy levels/continuing bouts of intestinal problems, we're loving Las Vegas! It's dry! It's warm! Tina totally scored when she found this apartment for us. It's in a gated complex so it's secure. People are friendly. The grandkids love the pool! (I haven't been in it yet; just watched from the sidelines.) Ivan likes working by the pool; he takes his backpack with files and computer, and sits and makes calls. There's hardly anyone at the pool during the day, so it's a great "office" space for him.<br />
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The apartment is small (one bedroom, one bath) but there's tons of storage so I can keep most of my junk hidden, which I love (clutter is my enemy). The main living area is open concept, with the living, dining and kitchen all opening into one another, but the spaces are delineated which I also love. It's just the right size for us, right now. I don't need -- nor want -- a big space to clean. It's not ideal for entertaining, but then I don't anticipate feeling like entertaining much this coming year. Treatment is supposed to last 15 months, without any pauses. And of course, we are currently in the midst of a big pause while awaiting insurance approval for treatment.<br />
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It's absolutely wonderful to be close to Tina and her family! In Indiana we were an hour away and with our busy schedules, we typically only saw them once or twice a month. This is so much nicer! <i><b>And</b></i> I found out we don't have to wait until September to meet Eisley in person! I knew Jon was coming to visit next month, but I had understood it would just be him and Adalyn. But everyone is coming! Doing the happy dance!!!<br />
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So we moved last weekend, and this weekend Kyle and Tina move! They closed on their house this week, and their pods get delivered tomorrow. We'll keep the kiddos here and plan to wear them out with lots of pool time! We want to hand them back to their parents absolutely exhausted and ready to sleep like little logs. Because I'm pretty sure Kyle and Tina will be ready to sleep like logs themselves! Moving is not for the faint of heart.<br />
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And on a completely unrelated note: I got tired of shedding like a dog and had Ivan shave my head. It was a bit traumatic which caught me by surprise, but once it was done, I was fine. I already had a bunch of scarves but also bought two cotton beanies. The beanies are easier and cooler, but I'd really like to find a pattern to make the twisted turbans. All the ones I've found for sale are polyester and I want 100% breathable cotton. I'm looking at these turbans online and thinking "how hard can it be to make one?" <i>Right?!</i> Has anyone ever made something like this? Any hints or tips? I don't want anything too ornate {i.e., no big bows on the top of my head or large fabric flowers on the side of my head}, just a simple turban with a twist at the top. I started searching patterns but haven't found what I'm looking for yet. As warm as it is already, there's no way I'm putting a hot, sweaty wig on this summer. I'm all for soft, cotton turbans and beanies, occasionally dressed up with a scarf. Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-23073438352729478142018-05-16T14:06:00.000-03:002018-05-16T14:10:21.765-03:00A Great Big Welcome to Eisley Laine!Our fourth grandchild, Eisley Laine, made her appearance on May the 4th; she's a true Star Wars baby! And crazy coincidence but Jon and Natalie chose a space theme for her -- how cool is that?!<br />
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It wasn't an easy birth and I'm so proud of how Natalie soldiered through and delivered her naturally, despite the complications they ran into throughout the long labor. <br />
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Everyone is enamored of this little cutie! And how could you not be?! She's totally adorable!<br />
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Does Jon look a little solemn? I think the enormity of being daddy of two may have just sunk in. Haha!<br />
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We won't know for a week or so, but we're hoping for another red head!<br />
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Baby burrito!</div>
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She's got the most adorable outfits. Lots of polka dots which I'm completely obsessed with (have been collecting polka dot fabric for years and one of these days I'm going to make myself a polka dot lap quilt).<br />
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And girl can totally rock just a diaper too! </div>
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Good morning world!</div>
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Adalyn has been waiting and waiting and waiting for her baby sister and can't get enough of her!<br />
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The quilt they're on is the one I made for Eisley. At the end of the post I'll include a few pics I took before I mailed it.<br />
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And is it just me, or do you want to pretend you're Rosemary Clooney and start belting out the song "Sisters" from "White Christmas", too?<br />
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We are hoping I'll feel up to making the trip to visit this sweet little addition to our family after chemo and before surgery, sometime in September. It's wonderful seeing photos and videos and FaceTiming but Nina wants to hold and snuggle this cutie!<br />
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And now here are pictures of the finished quilt.<br />
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The concept was a little girl floating past a window, holding planet "balloons". Adalyn's quilt has a lot of purple in it and that's the color that kind of ties the two quilts together; the pretty sparkly purple fabric I used for the border worked really well with the background fabric.<br />
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I "auditioned" several color fabrics for the hair but the orange popped on the background better than the others (and as I mentioned, we're hoping for another redhead!).<br />
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Ivan had the fun idea of adding the Disney Pluto sticking up from behind one of the planets, as a nod to the Pluto that is no longer considered a planet.<br />
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I was insane enough to decide to do a two-sided quilt this time around! Jon and I both love the Apollo space program so I did a whole cloth appliqúe of an astronaut and then embroidered the line details with blue thread. The flag is a patch I bought online. <br />
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I had the background fabric already. Actually I had all the fabric I needed to make this quilt, except the front background and the black I bought to do the binding. It took far longer than it should have due to being sick so much since the beginning of the year. I mailed it the day before she was born and it arrived the day they came home from the hospital. Talk about cutting it close! Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-73811056405964829602018-04-26T10:18:00.002-03:002018-04-26T10:18:36.102-03:00Boarding a Speeding TrainA friend at church who had breast cancer a few years ago described it as getting on a fast moving train she didn't want to be on, and couldn't get off. What a great analogy!<br />
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After being in a holding pattern for so long, these last two weeks have felt like I was caught napping and then had to run hard to catch the last car of the train as it sped out of the station. I made it -- barely -- gasping for air and my side hurting. No seats left in the car so I stood, clinging to an overhead strap as my legs adjusted to the sway of the train, before I started edging my way up to find an empty seat.<br />
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Right now, in this moment, it doesn't feel like I've been able to find that seat where I can finally rest and catch my breath. We're just hurtling down the tracks and I'm clinging on for dear life, one strap forward at a time.<br />
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I had already scheduled an appointment with an oncology surgeon in Ft. Wayne before we decided to for sure move, so I kept that, and am so glad I did. After a pretty rough experience with an oncologist in town, who didn't look at the PET scan and didn't read the whole report, I still wasn't exactly sure what was going on with my body. For this control freak, that freaked me out! Dr. Rachel Hayes, on the other hand, spent an hour and a half with us, going over the reports, answering all our questions, and doing both an ultrasound and breast biopsy right then and there. She was puzzled as to why the mammo and two ultrasounds I'd had done here in February showed clear, when obviously something was going on. She found the mass immediately during the physical exam, confirmed it with the ultrasound, and followed up with a biopsy.<br />
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Because I'd gone from having undetectable swollen lymph nodes (found only by accident when I had a CT scan to check for blood clots in February) to having hard, fixed and palpable nodes 2-1/2 months later, Dr. Hayes wanted me to see a medical oncologist asap. So a few days later I met with Dr. Dolly Quispe, who also went over my records and then slowly and methodically laid out what their recommendation was for overall treatment: 6 rounds of chemo because I'm HER2+; two of the chemo drugs are targeted specifically at the HER2+ cancer cells and should reduce it by 40-70%, the other two drugs are more free ranging so I can expect to lose my hair among other things. But chemo first means less surgery down the road. After surgery I'll receive radiation. For a year I'll be on Herceptin, with time out for surgery, and then an anti-hormonal pill. Both Dr. Hayes and Dr. Quispe strongly urged me to go ahead and start treatment before moving because this is an aggressive cancer.<br />
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I communicated with my oncologist in Nevada who said to do what I needed to do, and after seeing some physical changes plus the pain was getting worse, I decided to follow the recommendations and begin treatment here. I had my port put in last Friday and my first chemo this Tuesday.<br />
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Moving things up like that -- since I hadn't planned to start treatment until after we moved to Nevada -- put me on the fast track to getting all the dental work done so that was even more intense the last two weeks. Six crowns and a difficult root canal later and I was all done, just in time for them to put the port in. Ivan was worried about the procedure to put the port in and I told him it was a breeze compared to all the dental work I'd had done! My mouth (well, gums I should say) are still a little ouchy after having so much done so quickly. My port area is tender to the touch but doesn't hurt.<br />
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I was kind of a wreck leading up to Tuesday, over-thinking and over-planning -- and I still missed something. Isn't that the way it usually happens? Both of us misunderstood the parting information when I left the hospital last Friday, thinking the envelope we carried home had some of the cream I was supposed to put on the port area one hour before treatment. On the way over to Ft. Wayne on Tuesday morning, I went to find the cream and instead pulled out a prescription for the cream :( Oh well, es lo que hay. At the hospital they gave me an ice pack to put over the port which helped with the numbing just fine.<br />
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I'd been told to expect to be there 6-7 hours, but it was more like 9 by the time I was checked in, saw Dr. Quispe one last time, got labs done, and then finally began the round of chemo. I understand future treatments won't take as long, but the first time they really hit you with it. At least the two drugs targeting HER2+ cancer; one was an hour long, then an hour observation (it will be 30 minutes each next time) and the other was 90 minutes and will be 30 minutes from here on out.<br />
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I hate to be bored and idle, so I'd gone <i>(ahem)</i> maybe a little too over-prepared. I'm still working on Eisley's quilt, and had managed to get the binding machine sewn onto the front, so I took it and worked on hand sewing the binding down on the back. Would have gotten it finished too, if they hadn't given me an injection of Benedryl half-way through to counteract possible side effects. It didn't make me go to sleep, but it did render me incapable of doing anything other than lying back with my eyes closed and reminding Ivan of things that needed to be done. <i>Hahaha!</i> Poor guy didn't even get a break during my most drug induced state. [I was able to finish the binding the next morning, and would have been done but have decided it needs a wee bit more quilting in the border.] I also took my Kindle loaded with three new books, and my iPad and earbuds, none of which even made it out of my bag. I was happy I'd added a fleece throw because it was cold in there! I had the baby quilt over my legs and the throw snuggled up around my arms and neck. Ivan sat next to me, working on his computer and making phone calls -- except when I reminded him of something he had to do, that is ;)<br />
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So far no really bad side effects. Yesterday I had a splitting headache most of the day. What finally helped was an hour and a half in a dark room with a cool gel eye mask on. That brought it down to a dull ache, which I can live with. Some nausea, not too bad. At least not bad enough to open the box of anti-nausea meds which have a big yellow warning label on front "MAY CAUSE HEADACHES". Thanks, but I don't need any help with that! And they were right about the fatigue. I honestly didn't think I'd notice being even more tired than I already was, but I do. I made one short trip out yesterday to get some things at Walmart. I've had a really dry mouth, and they recommend Biotene mouth wash, plus I picked up some "just in case" meds because I know there are side effects that don't manifest until 24-48 hours after chemo. Other than that quick trip, I stayed home and worked on handling some business stuff. If this is as bad as it gets, I'll be super happy!<br />
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We have a place to live in Nevada!!! Tina spent so much time on our behalf, traipsing through apartment after condo after apartment... We put our application in on a 2 bedroom (which I never thought we could afford on our budget) but they got multiple applications and we were not chosen. So Tina was back on the hunt again and this time we got it! It's a one bedroom, one bath, but more than twice as big as our <i>casita</i>. I'm pretty excited because it ticks all my boxes: washer and dryer in unit, ground floor, no carpet (which messes with my asthma and allergies) and just under our budget. Plus it's got a gas stove which makes me very happy, as do all the built-ins in the living room and bath plus a large walk-in closet. Looks like we'll have plenty of storage. Big bonus points for Tina finding a place close to the clinic where I'll be getting my treatments: only a 12 minute drive! <br />
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We aren't taking much in the way of furniture at all, so Ivan has organized a Upack pod to be delivered this afternoon and our small group buddies are coming to help load the heavier items. I think we'll get most of the stuff loaded tonight, and then throw in the last minute things Sunday morning. They'll be picking the pod up after we're gone. They leave it for three business days at either end, for loading and unloading. We won't see our pod until the 9th through 11th (dates flexible) so Ivan will take some bare necessities in the car. Our sleep number mattresses break way down without the air in them (but we'll send the bases in the pod), and I'm putting together a bin of kitchen must haves, plus summer clothes. Otherwise we'll be "glamping" for a week :) We did that back in 2012 when we moved into our <i>casita</i>, but this will be a definite step up, with running water, electricity and gas. And since we aren't taking much furniture anyway, we knew we'd have to do some shopping when we get out there. I've already been checking craigslist, IKEA and Tina sent me the link to a nice furniture consignment store. We really won't need much for that small space so I think we'll get it furnished fairly easily.<br />
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Ivan's driving the car out, and our pastor is going with him. What an incredible blessing! I was worried about him having to drive out alone. God is so good! And He is really using our church family to bless us in tremendous ways. Our landlords are friends from church and they told us not to worry about the furniture we don't want to take (95% of it); we can just leave it here and they'll rent it out furnished to the next tenants. It felt like a huge weight rolled off once we knew we didn't have to deal with hauling a lot of furniture out. Others have brought in meals, done our laundry this week, and just been encouraging in so many ways. A VSF tradition is to ask the departing family to choose a song for the congregation to sing their last Sunday and we picked "Be Thou My Vision", a long time favorite. Not sure I'll be able to sing it, though, since I'll probably cry through the entire service. We have loved this church so much; it's been a place of healing when we most needed it. And even though we've only been there a little over a year, we've developed deep relationships that I know will be life-long.<br />
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I waited too long to book my ticket and couldn't get a straight through flight until Thursday, May 3rd, so that gives me a few days to catch my breath -- maybe find that seat to rest on in the train? -- and be with dear friends from church. Hopefully that break will energize me and I'll be ready to unpack on that end and set up house keeping. On this end we've pushed hard the past three weekends, cleaning out closets and finally starting to pack in the past week (between various doctor and dental appointments). I wanted to get as much done as possible before Tuesday since we had no idea how I'd react to chemo. It's pretty exciting to think that by this time tomorrow our pod will be (mostly) packed and we'll have the time and space to deal with last minute things.<br />
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Other happy news: Kyle and Tina found a house this past weekend too! They've been looking since Tina got out there; knowing they'd sold their house here gave them the freedom to go ahead and buy rather than having to rent for a while. And they'll only be about 15 minutes from us! I think we'll be fairly close to our nieces and sisters-in-law too. Things are coming together, piece by piece.<br />
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If you pray, please continue to pray for us. It's just the beginning of this journey. We don't know what to expect and can only take step at a time, one day at a time. We've been here before, this launching off into the unexpected, and I know God will give us the strength to get through it, but it just feels like it gets harder, the older we get. I could move with one hand tied behind my back 40 years ago :) It takes a lot of work these days to do just the basics. And to be honest, I still haven't recovered from the big move back to the states. That was such a HUGE job that took months, and cured me of my collecting tendencies. I've not gone entirely minimalist (love books and fabric too much for that to ever happen) but I don't feel the need for a lot of things any more. They weigh you down, tie you down, in ways that seem burdensome.<br />
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What's burdening you right now? Do you find yourself on a speeding train too? Or are you tired of waiting at the station for the train to arrive? I love to hear what this community is up to, what's happening in your lives. <br />
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<br />Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-29209339292418224392018-04-13T16:29:00.001-03:002018-04-13T16:29:27.973-03:00Research and MomentumDoes anybody else research things to death? <br />
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I spent the weekend googling every oncologist that will be in our network, checking out their profile on <a href="https://www.healthgrades.com/find-a-doctor">Healthgrades</a> and any other place I could find reviews. Narrowed it down to two, which I then cross checked on the company website where they're both on staff. I was particularly impressed with one doctor from all the research, so reached out this week to see if he'd be willing to take me on as a patient. And Wednesday I found out he will! <i>I'm so relieved. </i><br />
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My first appointment with him will be May 8th, which gives us time to get moved.<br />
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Yes, you read that right. <i><b>We're moving! TO NEVADA!</b></i><br />
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Nevada, where the air is dry and warm. <i>Ahhhhhhh.</i><br />
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We started talking about moving when I was so sick in January and February. I told Ivan I didn't think I could survive another winter in Indiana. But then the whole cancer thing came up, and we thought we'd have to stay here for treatment.<br />
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Something I haven't even mentioned on here is that our son-in-law got a
job in Nevada two months ago. Tina and the
kids remained here in Indiana while she got the house ready to put on
the market, and she did such an amazing job that the house sold in less
than 48 hours! Seriously, click on <a href="https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/7-Sussex-Ln-Elkhart-IN-46514/50614825_zpid/">this link</a> to see photos of their home, and you'll see why it sold so quickly! For over list price! I'm so proud of her.<br />
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The thought of having both our kids and all our grandbabies on the west coast while we were stuck here in the Midwest was almost more than I could bear. It was downright depressing. Also depressing was the thought of being here through the end of the year, having my immune system (even more) compromised by the cancer treatments, and then trying to deal with another cold, damp Indiana winter. <i><b>Ugh!</b></i><br />
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So my wonderful husband jumped into action and started making phone calls. Pretty sure they shuffle you from place to place to discourage people from actually following through on their quest with the behemoth that is our health care system. They wear you down until your arm and hand go numb from holding the phone, your mind shuts down from listening to endless elevator music while on hold, and you fall prostrate to the ground in defeat. Ivan is persistent by nature, though, and since 90% of his job is done on the phone, he was not deterred. And his persistence paid off! He finally found a human actually willing and able to tell him just how to go about getting our insurance coverage shifted from Indiana to Nevada. That was a week ago.<br />
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Since then the momentum has <i><b>really</b></i> picked up speed!<br />
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Getting my doctor lined up was the first thing on my list, but there's a lot more that needs to be done. The purging and the packing have begun, plus I still have some appointments coming up, and Ivan has a whole lot on his plate too. It's going to be a pretty intense couple of weeks!<br />
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This move is more than just moving across country; Ivan will be looking for a new job, I'll be starting treatment for the cancer (looks like chemo will come first), and there will be all that goes along with living in a new place. So if you've been praying, keep doing it! We need strength and wisdom as we move forward.<br />
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And about that research...<br />
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I also learned that it's a good idea to get any dental work done before you start treatment; having bad teeth, and all the bacteria that goes with them, makes chemo tougher. Did you know that? I had no idea. See what I mean about researching things to death? But I'm glad to have found this out, because I want to do what I can to (hopefully) make treatments a little easier to handle. What that means in practical terms is that I have one to two dental appointments each week this month, to take care of multiple crowns, some fillings and a root canal. My mouth is a hot mess of failed crowns and fillings done back in the 80s and early 90s. Before we came back to the states, I'd been getting dental work done in Argentina, <i>poco a poco</i> as we had the money, but it's a slower process there. Here I've found a dentist with all the latest equipment who is capable of making crowns on site, so he does a whole section of my mouth at a time. Isn't technology wonderful?!<br />
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Nevada wasn't even on our list of potential places to move when we started talking about it, but with Kyle's new job there, it moved to the top of our list. Aside from the climate (a definite plus for my health), there are also other benefits to moving to Nevada. We already have family in the area, including a sister-in-law, two nieces and their husbands. In fact, one of our nieces opened her home to Tina and family until they can find a place of their own. Plus there are always cheap tickets in and out of Las Vegas, meaning it will be much easier to visit our son and his family in California (<i><b>double score!</b></i>).<br />
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I can't understate what a huge benefit it is, finding a doctor I feel is a good fit for my needs. During my research, I was especially impressed with what a particular oncologist had written for <a href="https://www.cccnevada.com/doctor/rupesh-j-parikh-md/">his bio page</a>. Y'all know how I feel about going to extreme measures. When I read this, I knew he was exactly the doctor I wanted treating me: "In my field, outcome is generally judged by what we call 'overall survival'. In trying to achieve this goal, we often forget what the patient is going through to buy him or her a few extra weeks. This is why 'quality of life' is equally being addressed along side the survival benefit in today's clinical trials."<br />
<br />Yes and Yes!<br />
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Y'all, the next few weeks are going to be <i>i</i>n<i><b>S</b><b>a</b></i>N<b>e</b>! We appreciate your prayers soooooo much! Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-44312095720858129522018-03-24T09:29:00.001-03:002018-03-25T16:34:18.228-03:00A Holding PatternI've wrestled with what to write for weeks, since they first found
swollen lymph nodes under my right arm. Even now, with uncertainty still hanging over me, I
wasn't sure what -- or if -- I should write. <br />
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I've shed a lot of tears, and most of the them haven't been about the physical challenges I'm facing. It's about the losses others might see as small, but which have overwhelmed me.<br />
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It's the loss of personal space and dignity when complete strangers must become more familiar with my body than I'm comfortable with, and the prayer that they'll treat me with respect and compassion as they do their jobs.<br />
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It's the giving up of dreams.<br />
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I was <i><b>so honored</b></i> that our son and daughter-in-law asked me to come out and help when their second child is born, thrilled for the chance to meet a newborn grandchild since we were overseas when all the others were born. Their first child was 15 months old when we finally met her in person. So this was a pretty big deal for me, and realizing it wasn't going to be feasible broke my heart.<br />
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Ivan and I had dared to start dreaming of taking a much needed, long break, to set off cross country with no agenda. We talked of places we'd like to go, things we'd like to see. At this point that isn't even a remote possibility.<br />
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It's the ongoing uncertainty. I'm the kind of person who likes to know what I need to do, and just get it done. Remaining in a holding pattern for weeks on end is getting to me.<br />
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Then I read in today's devotional:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control. In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete. As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing your prized possession into my care. </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
You can feel secure, even in the midst of cataclysmic changes, through awareness of My continual Presence. The One who never leaves you is the same One who never changes. Herein lies your security, which no one and no circumstance can take from you. </blockquote>
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I saw the surgeon a week ago, to go over the pathology report from the biopsy of the lymph nodes (that came after a CT scan, mammogram and two ultrasounds). I didn't get a straight answer because they had simply designated it as "malignancy with an unknown origin". He did say the report leaned toward breast cancer, but admitted he couldn't understand everything in the report since he's not an oncologist.<br />
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So this week I saw an oncologist, who believes I do have breast cancer. But they can't be sure it isn't in other places too, so I'll be having three MRIs and a full body PET scan this coming week. My prognosis might be really good if it's just breast cancer, because it is, apparently, a very treatable kind. But my pessimistic mind takes me to the dark places...which is why I need to hold fast to the truth that my security is in Him, and no one and no circumstance can take that from me. <br />
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The oncologist wouldn't go over possible treatment options until we get all the scan results back. He said that would be putting the cart before the horse. So more waiting, still stuck in a holding pattern.<br />
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I have some pretty strong opinions about not going to extreme measures to extend my life, if that life is going to be filled with poor health, pain and horrible side effects. Having just read <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Being-Mortal-Medicine-What-Matters/dp/1250076226/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522006370&sr=8-1&keywords=Being+Mortal">"Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande</a>, I'm more convinced than ever that too often we chase after the elusive "cure" long after it's obviously futile, to the detriment of our quality of life. <br />
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Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to medical treatment. I definitely want this cancer cut out of my body! And I'm open to treatments that can help cure me. But I balk at extreme measures that only extend life by weeks or months, and leave the patient suffering horribly until the end. On the other hand, I've gotten encouraging messages from friends and family who have weathered the C storm and survived. I'd like to be able to send someone that kind of message one day.<br />
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It's a lot to process and I can only take it one day at a time, leaning on Him, trusting in Him to guide me through the journey. I have to know that He's walking ahead of me, leading the way. I'm grateful for the people in my life who are supportive, encouraging and willing to help in different ways.<br />
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This isn't going to become a blog that's all about cancer. Not at all. In fact, I'm really looking forward to sharing my latest quilting project: a baby quilt for that next grandchild, due in April. It's been my most challenging quilt to date (to design, not sew). Time and energy have kept me from finishing it as fast as I'd like, but it is moving along. Once it's done and delivered, I'll share pictures. Anyone care to hazard a guess as to the design? Hint: they asked for a space theme! Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-75723909084611651162018-01-28T13:59:00.000-03:002018-01-28T13:59:04.606-03:00So much for Project 365It's January 28 and I've had two "good" days out of the month. The rest of the time I've been battling bronchitis, acute asthma and the flu. People, Indiana is killing me! I've never been so sick in my life, and hope to never go through this again. Yes, I'd always get bronchitis when we lived in Michigan. Difference was I was younger and had some reserves to draw on; this time around I was wiped out before I started and that's not a good place.<br />
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Three rounds of meds and a cough suppressant with codeine (which, hallelujah!, allows me to finally get some sleep at night) and I'm feeling marginally better. Although last night was a bummer, with me sucking on cough drops all night in addition to the couch syrup. <i><b>Gah!</b></i> I'm so ready to be over this crud.<br />
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Not feeling great but I also don't feel like death, so there's that. This is progress, it's just really, <i><b>really</b></i> slow. Absolutely exhausted today. I have nothing left, and it's going to take some time to build my body back up, allow it to heal, and get to the place where I have some reserves again. My mother-in-law, who is 96, is doing better than I am!<br />
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I've purposely stayed away, to avoid contaminating her, but she still tested positive for influenza A last week. Thankfully it seems to be a mild case and she was able to get moved into her new shared space in medical care at the end of the week. Another big change for her.<br />
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Ivan and one of the nephews moved the furniture out of her old apartment on Saturday. Rita spent last week, and is coming back this week, to deal with all the little stuff (and there is SO MUCH little stuff). I've felt mildly guilty I can't help, but I'm also too tired to care much. Feeling confident they'll have the place cleared out by Wednesday, as needed.<br />
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Tina and the family came and got the piano, which mom wanted her to have. It was fun seeing the video they posted on Facebook last night, of Tina playing and the kids singing together. That's exactly what mom wanted!<br />
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With this being the January of Great Sickness, I'm putting a hold on Project 365. We'll see how fast I bounce back (so far no bouncing at all) and go from there. For now I'm happy to have the energy to type this short post; a week ago this wouldn't have been possible. And while I'm at it, a shout out to my amazing husband, who has been a rock, parking at the doctor's office twice this week, to make sure I get what I need (along with many other things). He's taking such good care of me!<br />
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I had such high hopes for blogging this year. hahahahahahahaha Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-32176697018274866012018-01-07T11:34:00.000-03:002018-01-07T11:34:33.596-03:00Project 365, 2018 EditionLast year I decided not to continue with Project 365 because I assumed (correctly) that 2017 was going to be a crazy year. How crazy even I couldn't have guessed! I'm glad I didn't document the year because it is, frankly, one I'd rather forget for the most part. Don't get me wrong, there were some wonderful things (can we spell g-r-a-n-d-c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n?!?!) but most of the year was just HARD, HARD, HARD.<br />
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I'm ambivalent about doing Project 365 this year because of so much uncertainty in our lives right now. I reserve the right to stop at any point if it becomes too much, if 2018 follows in the path of 2017 and becomes just as (or even more) crazy. I'm going out on a limb here and hoping and praying that this year will be less stressful, more enjoyable, and full of things I'll want to share here. <i>Vamos a ver!</i><br />
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The year did not start off auspiciously. New Year's Eve found me in a local urgent care facility getting a diagnosis of bronchitis with acute asthma. Meanwhile Ivan was pretty sure he had another abscessed tooth because of the extreme pain he was experiencing, so he was taking antibiotics we'd brought back from Argentina, in an effort to reduce the pain and inflammation. Happy New Year to us!<br />
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<h4>
Monday, January 1, 2018 </h4>
My side table has been filled with these goodies this week as I battled a persistent cough, congestion and difficulty breathing (not shown is my inhaler but it's nearby):<br />
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<h4>
Tuesday, January 2, 2018</h4>
Ivan was able to get in to see the dentist first thing this morning. Turns out it's not an abscessed tooth after all, but muscle inflammation in his jaw from clenching so tightly (2017 was a stressful year, I'm telling you!). He'll be getting this device to wear at night:<br />
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Really hoping it helps because the poor guy is having trouble sleeping from all the pain.<br />
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<h4>
Wednesday, January 3, 2018</h4>
I'm totally keeping my Christmas tree up through February! The twinkly lights make me happy and makes it feel festive inside, something we need this winter. I took all our special Christmas ornaments and red globes off, and turned it into a blue, silver and white tree for January. I'd like to find some white snowflake ornaments but that ain't happening for a while (I haven't been outside since going to urgent care).<br />
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<h4>
Thursday, January 4, 2018 </h4>
We are blessed to live in a beautiful place. Our walk out basement apartment overlooks trees and bushes and a creek. All day we see a variety of birds, especially bright red cardinals. Could not get a decent photo of one; this is the best of the worst (haha!) and if you look carefully, you'll see a little red glob in the middle. That's a cardinal!<br />
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Even if I can't get a decent picture of one, I'm just grateful to be able to enjoy them daily. We can see them from the kitchen, dining and living rooms.<br />
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<h4>
Friday, January 5, 2018</h4>
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, IVAN! My honey turned the big 6-0 today! Our daughter, the grandkids and her niece brought a wonderful lunch from Rua's, which we thoroughly enjoyed together, along with some play time.<br />
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Ivan had gone shopping in the morning and picked up those super sweet mini bananas which the kids enjoyed eating.<br />
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<h4>
Saturday, January 6, 2018</h4>
Ivan left with Tina, to go to Jonesville for the weekend festivities as our former home church installs Rob Stewart as the senior pastor. Rob started attending our church as a Hillsdale College student who helped out with AWANA, then began helping Ivan with the youth group, proceeded on to seminary and finished just as we were making the switch to missions, so there was a smooth transition from Ivan to Rob as the youth pastor at Countryside. Fast forward fifteen years and the church has added more staff (the current youth pastor is a young man who grew up at CBC) and after three years of Senior Pastor John doing less and less and Associate Pastor Rob doing more and more, they are officially handing over the baton as Rob becomes the senior pastor. I'm sad to miss this really special occasion but I'm glad Ivan and Tina could go!<br />
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Meanwhile I'm hunkering down, doing my best to get better. In hopes I'd feel well enough to get started on Eisley's quilt, Ivan picked up an overhead projector from a friend for me to use. I spent a few days playing and "auditioning" fabric for the quilt, so I have a pile ready to use (trust me when I say there WILL be changes, there always are).<br />
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For those who have read my blog for a while, you know I design my own quilts, using a projector to transfer the pattern, first to paper that serves as a master for the design, and then onto freezer paper that I can cut up and use for pattern pieces.<br />
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<h4>
Sunday, January 7, 2018</h4>
While Ivan's gone I'm in charge of taking care of his winter project:<br />
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Can you guess what it is? I think I'll leave it a mystery for now. See if anyone can figure out what it is (Rita, you can't answer because you already know! haha!). Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-68324336701173645162018-01-03T17:32:00.000-03:002018-01-03T17:32:12.753-03:00My 2017 Reading ListKind of funny that I thought I'd read more being back in the U.S. and having access to the public library system. The opposite side of the coin is, life is much busier and goes at a faster pace here, so end result: fewer books read. Final tally for 2017: 43 (and several of those were novellas).<br />
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I'm rather appalled to look back and see I finished only one non-fiction the entire year. Reading was my escape from what was happening in real life and I turned to novels. Not a lot of standouts, sad to say. It's my own fault because I haven't taken the time to learn about what's new and good out there. I'd go to the library, check out a ton of books and end up returning most of them unopened because of lack of time and/or disinterest. Many days I didn't read at all, because by the end of the day I was too tired. I fell behind on following blogs, on reading books and articles and magazines... Has anyone else found that it takes a lot of emotional energy to engage in books? I don't remember that being an issue in the past, but it sure was this past year.<br />
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My one and only non-fiction was <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1515008159&sr=8-1&keywords=daring+greatly">"Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown</a>. I love her books and her honesty; her words resonate deeply within, and I find myself physically nodding my head as I agree with much of what she writes. I haven't read her latest, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Braving-Wilderness-Quest-Belonging-Courage/dp/0812995848/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8">"Braving the Wilderness"</a> although I checked it out; again, that lack of emotional energy coming into play.<br />
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The other non-fiction I started is a book I haven't finished, one Ivan and I are reading together: <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Summer-Great-Grandmother-Crosswicks-Journal/dp/006254506X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1515008328&sr=1-1&keywords=the+summer+of+the+great-grandmother">"The Summer of the Great Grandmother"</a> by Madeleine L'Engle. Just hit a little too close to home with mom's hospitalizations and then Sharon's death. Hopefully we'll be able to finish it in 2018. We plan to read all four books in L'Engle's Crosswicks Journals series (this is #2).<br />
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Now for the fiction... Maybe because of what was going on, the books that touched a chord were those that didn't necessarily end happily, but felt like they ended <i><b>honestly</b></i>. Like <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Atomic-Weight-Love-Novel/dp/161620690X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1515008703&sr=1-1&keywords=the+atomic+weight+of+love+by+elizabeth+church">"The Atomic Weight of Love" </a>by Elizabeth J. Church. Spanning the 1940s through 1970s, we follow Meridian Wallace from university in Chicago to Los Alamos. Her search to find meaning and purpose in the life she's chosen reads more like a true life memoir than a novel. The story bore no relation to anyone I knew, but it brought to mind scores of women like my mom from that time period. <br />
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<a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Storied-Life-J-Fikry-Novel/dp/1616204516/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1515009251&sr=1-1&keywords=the+storied+life+of+a.j.+fikry+by+gabrielle+zevin">"The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry"</a> by Gabrielle Zevin was another heart rending story. One of the publicity blurbs said, "You don't want it to end" and that's exactly how I felt. I sighed when I finished it, and would have petted the cover except it was a Kindle download from the library. <br />
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My last book of the year was another sad but satisfying book: <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Story-Arthur-Truluv-Novel/dp/1400069904/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1515009854&sr=1-1&keywords=the+story+of+arthur+truluv+by+elizabeth+berg">"The Story of Arthur Truluv"</a> by Elizabeth Berg. I loved how the author brought such disparate characters together to create a "family" of sorts; well, more like a mini community that supported one another. The book was not at all what I expected, and maybe that's the reason I liked it so much. <br />
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Aimed at the young adult audience, <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Rogers-Epic-Detour-Morgan-Matson/dp/1416990666/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1515009724&sr=1-1&keywords=amy+%26+roger%27s+epic+detour">"Amy & Roger's Epic Detour"</a>
by Morgan Matson made me laugh, cry and want to physically cheer the
duo on in their grand adventure across the U.S. It also made the mother
in me want to wring their scrawny necks!<br />
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My wackiest choice of the year was without a doubt <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Sourdough-Novel-Robin-Sloan/dp/0374203105/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1515010052&sr=1-1&keywords=sourdough">"Sourdough"</a> by Robin Sloan. This doesn't fit neatly into any genre. It's part romance, part sci fi, part magic realism...but always fun. And funny! This book made me snort laugh.<br />
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Rounding out my top picks for the year are two by favorite authors. I signed up on the waiting list for both months in advance, as soon as I knew their publications dates. Neither disappointed.<br />
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<a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Glass-Houses-Novel-Inspector-Gamache/dp/1250066190/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1515010445&sr=1-1&keywords=glass+houses">"Glass Houses"</a> by Louise Penny is the latest Inspector Gamache novel set in Three Pines, Canada. Ever since reading <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Still-Life-Inspector-Gamache-Mystery-ebook/dp/B001OLRMZA/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8">"Still Life"</a>, the first in the series, I've been hooked! Would love to see these made into movies; the plots are unexpected, and the writing lyrical. Not your typical mysteries at all.<br />
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I'll end with what had to be one of, if not my absolute, favorite books of the year: <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Where-You-Are-Mitford-Novel-ebook/dp/B01N27HHZT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1515010682&sr=1-1&keywords=to+be+where+you+are">"To Be Where You Are" </a>by Jan Karon. The thing with Karon's books is that the characters have become like friends, to be welcomed back into our homes again and again, picking up where you left off like you do with good friends. More character than plot driven (although yes, there is always a plot), to read a Mitford book is like sitting down for a nice long chat over tea with a good friend, preferably on a porch with a light breeze blowing and the scent of lilacs in the air. Comfort reading at it's best!<br />
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Only eight books out of 43 made the reading list for last year. The rest of what I read was okay, but not good enough to pass along here. So how about it, friends, what have you been reading that you can recommend? <br />
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<br />Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-87496284696996719842018-01-02T11:18:00.000-03:002018-01-02T11:18:02.772-03:00Limping into 2018<i><b>"Relax in my healing presence."</b></i><br />
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That was the opening line in my daily devotional this morning. That had double meaning for me today.<br />
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I need physical healing after coming down over the weekend with bronchitis complicated by acute asthma. Not much sleep, sore stomach muscles from excessive coughing, and just the sheer exhaustion of trying to breathe have me yearning for the healing touch of God.<br />
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But even more than that, I yearn for emotional healing. I'll be frank, 2017 kicked my butt. It's a year I'm happy to see in my rear view mirror. Unlike those who joyfully jumped into 2018 with great anticipation, I sorta limped in, worn and battered by the events of this past year -- both on the world and national stage, and personally.<br />
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I'm not even going to try and fake enthusiasm. I'm just going to be honest and tell you I'm hurting but daring to hope God will use the mess of 2017 for His glory.<br />
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We enter 2018 with so much uncertainty, and I know that's true for everyone, but it feels like there's nothing solid beneath my feet except the promise that He knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11).<br />
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I'm appalled at the attitude many believers have taken toward those who are fleeing war torn homelands, toward those who grew up here but are somehow "less than" because of their ancestry, toward those who are in need of protection from predators... The list goes on. <i><b>Where is the love that is supposed to mark us as different from the rest of the world? Why are we not bending grace as lavishly as He gave it to us? </b></i>Too many Christians are choosing to ignore large portions of Scripture that clearly show us how to treat those around us, including the most basic command after loving God: "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Mark 12:31)<br />
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I hope to share some stories over the coming year that bring into focus the fact that "those people" are individuals just like us.<br />
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During Advent we were asked to share and light the fourth candle: the love candle. Personally, we are asking God to show us what love is, and what does it
look like? It's something we're grappling with in a difficult situation. We can say with certainty that comfortable, convenient and simple are not words that have surfaced. We doubt that Love was any of these for God in human form, yet He, being God, loved perfectly.<br />
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What we do know is that what love is, and what it should look like, don't always go hand in hand. We are severely crippled by self in the loving department. It's an ongoing exercise to be more like Him, to love like Him, and have the attitude towards others that He has. Showing grace doesn't come naturally, but throughout this situation God has constantly reminded us that He's the one who changes people; what He's asking of us is to be faithful, to be obedient in loving like He loves. Each moment has to be informed by His Spirit and His Word because on our own we're incapable of showing true love.<br />
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My prayer is that 2018 will be a year marked by love and grace, shown abundantly by His people to those who need it most. <br />
Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-653338763996352552017-12-03T20:58:00.000-03:002017-12-03T20:58:16.262-03:00Christmas Decorating: the Nostalgia FactorIt's a beautiful Sunday afternoon in December, warm enough for just a sweater -- at odds with the Christmas music playing in the background and the twinkly lights on the fully decorated tree. But no complaining from this corner! I'd be happy if we get a light dusting of snow on Christmas Eve and then nothing for the remainder of winter. Other than Christmas and soup and fires in the fireplace, I'm not a big fan of this season.<br />
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So let's go back to that fully decorated tree... Ivan and I had a bit of a disagreement about when we'd last had a tree. This little ole blog came in handy, as I looked back through, and found we never put up our big tree in the <i>casita,</i> as I asserted and he disputed. We had, however, set it up in Sta. Rosa one year. But I determined it was too much work to decorate, enjoy for five days, and then have to take it back down, so that was that.<br />
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Christmas trees make me inordinately happy. And I think I may know why: <a href="https://www.today.com/home/decorating-christmas-early-makes-you-happier-science-says-t119186">according to scientists</a>, decorating for the holidays can "create that neurological shift that can produce happiness... Christmas decorating will spike dopamine, a feel-good hormone." Nostalgia is a powerful force, my friend. Happy memories from childhood will make you want to recreate those same feelings, and I think that's definitely true in my case.<br />
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My mom made a big deal out of Christmas. (Well, actually, mom made a pretty big deal out of most holidays.) No doubt I get my love of over-the-top holiday decorating from her... no such thing as too much tinsel!... and I still remember how giddy she got when they came out with spray snow in a can. <br />
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Moving to Argentina, I downsized from probably ten big bins of Christmas decorations to two. TWO! And when we returned to the U.S. last year, that was further reduced to my most precious ornaments, the nativity set we bought our last year in Argentina and nothing else. I honestly thought I'd also also brought back our tree topper, the lovely wooden nativity from Betty in Paraguay, and the beautiful handmade tree skirt a dear friend made for me, but they are M.I.A., so I must have been wrong. I cannot believe I left that nativity! What's weird is I have the base for it, but the nativity itself is missing. We still have two suitcases waiting to be brought to the states for us, so maybe they're in one of those. I can only hope!<br />
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All that to say: we're pretty much starting from scratch here. I picked up our tree a couple weeks ago at the Mennonite thrift store in Goshen. Last year they had dozens and I filed that in my memory bank for this year and stalked the store until they were set out. Wow! There are some really ginormous fake trees! I was working within the constraints of a small space and low ceilings, so had to bypass the majority of trees in my search for one that would fit. My choice is no Charlie Brown tree, but it's also not one of those ceiling scrapers you see in McMansions either. Rather like Goldilocks, I feel my tree is "just right".<br />
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Besides those precious ornaments I toted back, I filled in the tree with unbreakable silver and red ornaments picked up last year during the after Christmas sales. Since I'm not about to pay the exorbitant prices they're charging for tree skirts -- even at Walmart! -- and I don't have time to make one, for now a long piece of red cotton fabric is wrapped around the bottom of the tree in loosey goosey fashion. And in lieu of a topper, I conscripted a large angel ornament to fill that spot this year. Our Argentine nativity graces the mantel.<br />
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And can we just talk about the mantel? I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. An honest-to-goodness mantel you can hang stockings on! Alas I'm too cheap to buy anything to decorate it. LOL Plus I'm having major DMD about what I even want. Glitz and glamor? Homespun holiday? International flair? So for now the nativity shares space with what was already up there. <i>Blah,</i> I know. But it's just the beginning of December so maybe inspiration will hit and I'll figure out what I want to do while there's still time. Or not. <i>Vamos a ver.</i><br />
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Meanwhile I thought I'd share some pictures of my tree. I told Ivan I was keeping it up until February, to make up for all the years I didn't have one :) What do you think? I could decorate it with blue and silver balls for January, then red and silver in February. Isn't that a marvelous idea?! Happy twinkly lights for three months. Might even help me get through the winter. <br />
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Isn't this ornament adorable? My sister sent this to me in Argentina a
few years ago. Of course I couldn't bring my pretty Ice blue KitchenAid
mixer back to the states with me, but I could bring this ornament. (And
my sister gifted me a new Ice blue KitchenAid mixer as a housewarming
gift this summer!) </div>
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I love these two ornaments, grandson Simon on the left and son Jon on the right. Aren't they adorable?!<br />
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Thirty years ago we were living in Florida and my "secret pal" in the lady's group made two beautiful silk poinsettias for my Christmas gift. The wires on the white one rusted over time and I ended up having to throw it away, but this red one is still (somewhat) holding up. The wire is starting to come loose from the leaves, so I need to figure a way to fix that. Ideas? <br />
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Have you decorated for the holidays yet? Did it made you happy? How did your childhood Christmases influence how you celebrate today? <br />
Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-59451133414850309942017-12-01T06:45:00.001-03:002017-12-01T10:59:11.769-03:00Being strong willed can be a very good thing!We typically talk about someone who is strong willed in a negative way; we equate strong willed with being obstinate and ornery. But being strong willed is an excellent trait when you're 96 years old and have just broken your hip. You'll need every bit of that strong will to get back on your feet!<br />
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I'm so impressed with mom's quiet stoicism and determination as she faces recovering from all that she's gone through this week. She's never once complained, she always tells the nurses she's fine when they ask, and she didn't fuss at all when they got her up out of bed and on her feet yesterday morning. You know it had to be quite painful, but the only sound she made was a brief groan -- as they were helping her settle back into bed!<br />
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I have no doubt she will recover enough to get back to her apartment in assisted living, where one of the prerequisites is being able to get to and from the dining hall on your own. She's also motivated to get back to church. When we were filling out the paperwork for the move from independent to assisted living in May, one of the questions was what hobbies do you have or what do you most enjoy doing? Mom's immediate answer: go to church!<br />
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Mom's dad was a pastor so she grew up in the church, and then she and her husband served for over four decades as missionaries in Argentina, before "retiring" back to the U.S. and getting very involved in the church she's still attending. There's never been a time when church wasn't an integral part of her life.<br />
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The people at her church are as close as family. One special couple was at the hospital all day Tuesday. Others have visited too. It's clear she's dearly loved by her church family. She's equally loved at the retirement village where she's lived for the past six years.<br />
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Grace Village has everything from condominiums to independent apartments to assisted living to medical care, and also a rehabilitation center. There was some question as to whether she'd be able to go there for rehab because her old insurance didn't work with them. We've known all year, since her hospital stay in January, that we wanted to switch her insurance but had to wait for the open enrollment period. We communicated with our own insurance agent who said he could set up an appointment to talk to us about our insurance, and with mom about hers. Our appointment got pushed to the end of the month because he was working hard to get those clients covered whose insurance companies were leaving the state. So for several weeks we've known and planned for the appointment by phone on Tuesday, November 28th.<br />
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And then mom fell and broke her hip the 27th.<br />
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So when it was time for the call on Tuesday, Ivan fielded it alone. Mom was fresh out of surgery, still in that happy place anesthesia takes you, and I was sitting in a dentist's chair in Ft. Wayne getting a root canal (another hiccup in the plans). I had done the legwork and figured out what insurance we wanted, and what mom needed, so it wasn't like I left Ivan hanging out there on a limb. And our agent and his colleague were great! His colleague drove down Wednesday and filled out all the forms on his computer. Mom was still pretty shaky at that point, and embarrassed at how wobbly her signature was, but her worst signature is better than my best. And within about an hour and a half, it was a done deal. <i><b>Whew! </b></i><br />
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So today mom will be transferred to the rehab center at Grace Village and begin the long, arduous therapy necessary to get back her mobility. I have the utmost confidence she'll do it! She's motivated <i><b>and</b></i> she's strong willed!Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-158760821753181416.post-34192837265730019462017-11-29T11:11:00.000-03:002017-11-29T11:11:13.873-03:00Loss Upon LossI wrote a lot about grieving after Sharon's death and then it's been radio silence ever since. But I've been journaling a LOT, and talking about all the feelings to people who can handle it. That's been helpful.<br />
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But it's not just Sharon's death. It feels like we're facing a season of "loss upon loss". That phrase really struck a chord with me. Reading Marilyn Gardner's post about <a href="https://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/2017/11/13/death-loss-and-tck-grief/">"Death, Loss and TCK Grief" </a>was quite helpful, especially since it was published on the day Ivan's oldest brother, Lynn, passed away. Lynn had been suffering from Lewy Body dementia and late stage liver disease, so while his death was not unexpected, that didn't make it any less difficult. <br />
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And now Ivan's mom has fallen and broken her hip (successful surgery yesterday) so she faces the loss of independence in the days ahead, during healing and rehabilitation, and we have no idea how long it will take.<br />
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Gardner writes: "As I've allowed myself to feel, I have opened the door to memories of other times of grieving and other grief patterns that are seemingly unrelated. But grief is grief, and loss is loss. They connect together like a dot to dot child's book, creating a picture that represents something much bigger than just one dot."<br />
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<i><b>There is so much truth in that. </b></i><br />
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While journaling, I've begun to see patterns. Something happens that, for some reason, causes certain feelings. I dig deep, trying to figure out why I've reacted the way I have, and what comes to light is something that happened during my younger years, and the more recent event triggered the same feelings as back then.<br />
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Life is filled with loss. It's inevitable and hits everyone with equal abandon. We can't protect ourselves from loss, and we can't protect those we love from it. I find it comforting that loss is talked about so much in scripture; honestly, no filters, head-on. God doesn't expect us to slap on a happy face and pretend everything is fine when it's not. He expects us to be honest about our losses, go deep into our grief, always knowing He's right there with us. I'm grateful He showed us His own grief and loss in the Garden of Gethsemane.<br />
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No, everything is not fine. And not to make light of things, but young Alexander hit the nail on the head when he said it was a "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" and finished by admitting, "My mom says some days are like that". I'd like to add some months, years, even decades are like that. <br />
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But it's hard to admit things aren't okay, that it feels like things are falling apart, that we're lost in our grief and loss. Part of it is our American can-do, pull yourselves up by your bootstraps culture, and I believe part of it is from our church culture that glosses over grief to focus on the joy, joy, joy, joy down in our heart.<br />
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Isn't it more honest, more biblical, to face reality as the men and women of scripture did? To acknowledge the depths of our despair, while clinging to the hope that He's hanging onto us when we don't have the strength to hang on ourselves? (Which, if we're honest, is <i>all.the.time.</i>)Just A Southern Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01911686519564796694noreply@blogger.com2