"The Exhaustion of Unsatisfied Desires" + Grace & Kindness

After being in California for two weeks (where I had a fabulous time with our son and his family!), it was good to be in our home church Sunday. I'm loving our church more and more. It's exactly where we need to be right now; there are a number of folks who have already traveled the road we now find ourselves on: transitioning back to life in the U.S., and they've been a huge help as we navigate this portion of the journey. Beyond that, though, is the openness and vulnerability among this body of believers, such a high level of care and love, that is so refreshing and encouraging.

While I was gone, VSF began a new series entitled "God Through A Picket Fence", with different ones taking the pulpit each week, sharing how they see God at this juncture of their personal pilgrimage. This past Sunday Larry Crabb spoke. He and his family were a part of the VSF family when they lived here a number of years ago and the Crabbs have maintained close ties to the church ever since. At 73, and dealing with cancer, how Larry sees God at this particular moment in time is from the perspective of one who expects to meet Him before too much longer.

He discovered the phrase "the exhaustion of unsatisfied desires" in an old book from 1895, written by James Walker, with the catchy title: "The Blessed Dead in Paradise". As he put it, the book appealed to him since he will soon be joining those blessed dead in paradise.

He talked about how each of the Gospels approached Jesus' experience in Gethsemane a little differently, based on their slant: only John (who focused on Jesus as sovereign God) does not write about the turmoil Jesus was in, how he was wrestling with His impending death, while in Matthew 26 Jesus appealed to the Father's power, in Luke 22 to his Father's love and in Mark 14 to the Father's wisdom; that if there was any other way to provide salvation to mankind other than His own death, that the Father would spare Him. Have you ever wondered why Jesus even asked the question, knowing what the answer would be?

Larry said no greater challenge awaits us as we walk the narrow road to life, than to embrace "the exhaustion of unsatisfied desires" without expecting answers and no demand for relief. What I find interesting is that in Luke 22:43 an angel appears to strengthen Jesus; probably because Luke's focus is on Jesus the man, and as a man, he needed to be strengthened for what was about to come. How did the angel go about doing this? It's not clear. Was it something he said or merely his presence? What does this mean for us? How can we go about strengthening others?

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One of the things God put on my heart several years ago was to be a 'safe' person, especially for other missionary wives or pastor's wives. It can be a lonely life, where you walk a thin line between ministering to, and being friends with, those in your sphere. It can also be lonely because of competitiveness ("their ministry is so much more successful") or making comparisons ("she's so good at everything and I can't do any of that"). Sad but true, we women especially can let our very human natures create conflict and be hurtful to our sisters in Christ.

How encouraging to see those who are taking a very different approach: to truly be there and support one another, to be encouragers rather than tearing down, to stand firm with rather than turn against other women. I'm appalled at the meanness I see displayed by so many believers on social media and television. Where is the grace?! 

You know what? We are never going to agree 100% with anyone about everything. E-V-E-R! So why get nit picky about things that DO NOT MATTER? Whatever happened to being known by our love for our brothers and sisters in Christ (I John 2:10:11)?

In this age of media saturation and instant communication, I think it's important to be even more thoughtful and intentional about what we say to -- and about -- others. The childhood ditty: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is blatantly untrue. Words do hurt; worse than a physical attack because they linger on and on, and can never be retracted. I loved the powerful illustration adoptive mom Amy Beth Gardner used to help her older daughter, entering middle school last year, understand the power of words. Gardner finished by saying, "Decide tonight that you are going to be a life-giver in middle school. Be known for your gentleness and compassion. Use your life to give life to a world that so desperately needs it. You will never, ever regret choosing kindness."

That should be true not only in middle school but throughout our lives. Looking back at my own regrets, it was always because I wasn't careful with my words. Every.Single.Time. I'll bet it's the same for you, am I right? So how about we work a little harder at choosing kindness? Will we get it right 100% of the time? No. Habits are formed by doing the same thing over and over again. So let's work at responding with kindness. It won't be easy, especially if you -- like me -- have become pretty cynical about other people's motives. But just hang in there! I think it's worth investing a couple months (or longer, if that's what it takes) into retraining our response to be one of kindness.

Moving Forward

I'd planned to do a one year post since our return to the U.S. (which was June 4th) but life was more than a little crazy at that point. I'm not sure why I continue to think life is going to slow down, or become less crazy and stressful, because obviously it is NOT. Circumstances change but the pace, the craziness, continues.

And the truth is I've turned to journaling more in the past few years and posting here less. Our stories are never just our own, are they? Other people are always involved and I find it unwieldy to excise sufficiently to protect another's privacy... so I end up not sharing at all. It was easier when I participated in Project 365 because I could post photos and little blurbs and it was 'safe'. But with all that's happened over the past few years, I've found myself more introspective and less willing to share on such a public forum.

At the same time, I've really missed the discipline of writing here, and the friendships and interactions that developed from this space. I'm not sure what direction this blog is going to take, now that it's no longer a medium for keeping in touch with folks "back home" and giving glimpses into our life in Argentina, but I do want to continue to write here in some capacity (and hopefully with more frequency).

Have you ever met anyone who said "My life is exactly what I thought it would be!"? (No, me either.) But isn't it interesting to think about the twists and turns our lives have taken? And to ponder the lessons learned, the expanding and overlapping circles of friends made? 

I want to write about our faith journey, what transition looks like, how living overseas changed and shaped us, what it's like to be plopped back into a place that feels at once familiar and foreign. I want to share life with whoever wants to show up, to brag on my grandchildren (cutest ever!), and talk about the books I'm reading. I want to tell you about the funny things that happen, and the sad things, and whatever else might be going on.  I want to share links to posts and articles that are helpful, informative or just flat hilarious. 

Blogging has changed a lot since I started ten years ago, it's more commercial and genre-driven, but I hope that those who tune in will find encouragement and something to make them smile (or laugh!) and, most especially, cause them to think.

After being married 38 years to a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda guy, some of that was bound to rub off and now I'm ready to move forward and just see what happens!

Words

I've noticed something strange since returning to the U.S. My habit of sounding out Spanish words while living in Argentina became so deeply ingrained, I find myself doing it now with English words. How weird is that? I'm a fluent English speaker and reader, so there's no need, yet I catch myself sounding out words on billboards, street signs, even once at a railroad crossing. I wonder how long it will take for that habit to fade? Hmmm...

Another thing I've noticed is how much of the English language I've lost/missed while living overseas. That brought about another realization: language has so much to do with the culture; the two cannot be separated.

It's culture that determines if a word is "bad". The bad words we know didn't start out that way, but over time our culture changed (or maybe I should say "warped") their meaning. That "bad" word referring to excrement was originally a technical term used for an intestinal condition in cattle.

How many of us from the Boomer generation have scratched our heads as words we thought we knew changed meaning? Like "That is so dope!" Isn't dope a bad thing? Now it's a good thing? Oh, it doesn't refer to drugs at all? Hmmm...

Or "Word!" Huh? I remember in a movie when the son said it and the dad, trying to be cool, used it too, but obviously had no clue what it meant. (By the way, it can have several meanings: 1) you agree with what's being said; 2) as a greeting; or 3) to convey that something was well said.)

Granted, both of these are older examples (remember what I said about missing a lot while living overseas?) but I'm sure you can think of at least a dozen words that have changed meaning in your lifetime.

And have you noticed that even if words retain their meaning, they can become...well, hollow is the best way I know to describe what I'm talking about. We've thrown words around so much they've lost their significance; so much so that we'd be hard pressed to provide an accurate definition. This is especially true in Christian circles.

For those who have grown up without even a base line of biblical knowledge, we can't use a spiffy little spiel we learned in evangelism class twenty years ago. We need to think intentionally about our words: What they mean and how we use them. We need to break down concepts we take for granted (sanctification, for example) into words clearly understood by younger generations.

And the best way to do that is start at the beginning of the Story.

Story, or narrative, is actually the best way to communicate, period. Give me a list of facts and I'll have forgotten 80% within half an hour. But tell me a story and it will stick. But others aren't going to "get it" if we don't tell the whole Story. Picking verses here and there to prove a point isn't helpful. The whole of it, the narrative, is necessary for true understanding.

It's also why sharing our lives -- our stories -- with others is so critical. God's story is still being worked out in us, at the most basic levels: where we live, where we work, where we play, where we worship... And how we do each of these impacts those around us. Do we just parrot trite sayings without any thought of how others understand them, or are we really, truly, honestly living out the Word?

My 2016 Reading List

Major fail on finishing Project 365 last year. Just didn't have it in me to take many photos, much less post them here. I'm sure I'll look back on this time and wonder what in the world we did but as I am still so fond of saying, "Es lo qué hay." And I'm not even going to try this year. Fully expecting 2017 to be about as crazy as last year, so I'm showing myself some grace in this area. Even my personal journaling has taken a hit.

Back to the topic of this post: books. One of the things I was really looking forward to about returning to the U.S. was the public library system. And it hasn't disappointed! In fact, I'm even more enamored because in addition to the actual, physical books I can check out, I can also borrow books on my Kindle. That's been a huge help with all the traveling we've had to do. What I find interesting is that I really haven't read any more books than I was reading before we returned, with 20 read while we were still in Argentina and 29 since we got back. And factor in that we were state-side for 7 of the 12 months of 2016, and it looks to me like my reading remained pretty steady throughout the year.

So far this year I've finished only one book (and can't begin to tell you how many I started and discarded). I'm not sure why but I'm finding it really hard to get into books these days. My attention span has been more suited to online posts and articles. Anyone else go through seasons when they have a hard time concentrating on a book?

So... 49 books read in 2016. A few standouts, but a lot more of "meh, that was okay but I probably won't read anything else by that author". I know everyone has different tastes in books, but I thought I'd share what I really liked, and why.

First up is "Looming Transitions: Starting & Finishing Well in Cross Cultural Service" by Amy Young. No shock there, heh? The book came out just when we most needed it, and I read it out loud to Ivan. We highly recommend this book to anyone going, coming, or switching to a different ministry. What was great is that it was immediately available as an e-book -- score! Amy is one of the lead women at a favorite blog for women who work in cross-cultural situations, Velvet Ashes. For those who like to read, one of the regular features is Book Club every Tuesday. ***And let me put a plug in for the VA Connection Groups to any lady serving overseas: They were a lifeline the past few years! I have been in four (they're offered each Spring and Fall) and the ladies in each group were so gracious, welcoming and generous with their thoughts and experiences. A breath of fresh air!***

Another favorite of ours (meaning I also read this one out loud to Ivan) was "The Listening Life: Embracing Attentiveness in a World of Distraction" by Adam McHugh, which rightly won a number of awards last year. This is a book I need to read at least once a year! Can't say enough good things about it. Just read it!

"The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper" by Phaedra Patrick is a novel I picked up simply because of the title, and I'm sooooo glad I did! This quirky little book takes you on an adventure with a widower who's not coping very well with his wife's death, and when he finally gets up the gumption to clean out her side of the closet, he finds a charm bracelet he never even knew she had. Each charm leads him to another person in his wife's life that he knew nothing about. Although I felt the ending was a little clichéd, it's still a favorite of the year.

Probably the best book I read last year is "All the Light We Cannot See" by Anthony Doerr. I actually bought the Kindle version months before reading it, while it was on sale. (I subscribe to the daily email by blogger Modern Mrs. Darcy featuring Great Kindle Deals.) I kept hearing good things about it, and actually bought the hardback for my niece for Christmas, so I figured I should go ahead and read it myself. I learned later that it won the Pulitzer Prize, and for good reason! Here's what I posted on Facebook after finishing it: "How can a book turn us inside out and leave us feeling exhilerated, bereft and grateful all at the same time?"

"Wonder" by R. J. Palacio is another book I read because of recommendations by various bloggers. It's what some might call "kiddy lit" because it's for and about kids, but this best selling book has also captured the hearts of many adults, mine included. I'm pretty excited that this has been made into a movie (being released in theaters on April 7th). I'm often disappointed when books are made into movies but I think this one should translate really well to the big screen.

So those were the standouts for me this past year.

I also enjoyed books by some of my favorite authors:
Seeds of Deception and Among the Wicked (Kate Burkholder novels) by Linda Castille
Theory of Death (a Decker/Lazarus novel) by Faye Kellerman
The Nature of the Beast and A Great Reckoning (Chief Inspector Gamache mysteries) by Louise Penny
Downfall (a Joanna Brady mystery) by J. A. Jance

And I discovered the kid lawyer books by John Grisham featuring Theodore Boone.

So what have you been reading?