Monday, October 16, 2017

When Grief comes to visit

Grief is one of those guests who show up unannounced, assured of their place even though they're not welcomed with open arms. Grief keeps to himself a lot of the time, leaving us alone as we putter around the house or go shopping or to work. But every once in a while Grief becomes really annoying, getting right in our face, making demands. We can't shrug him off, or talk him into going away. He just stands there, front and center, immovable, and we can't get around him. He badgers and pesters and brings us to tears. Then suddenly he stops and goes back to his room for a while and we are left in blessed peace. Unfortunately we never know when Grief is going to come back out, so we're always a little on edge. He seems to delight in catching us when we least expect it, and then BOOM! he's all up in our business again.

The other unfortunate thing is that we don't know how long he'll stay at any given time. His visits can last weeks or months or years. There's no known way to shorten his visits, because what works for one person won't work for another. Some seem to handle Grief better than others. I wonder why that is? Grief is a mystery to me. I don't like him much, but he's a part of my life -- and yours -- and we just have to learn to deal with him the best we can. And that's going to look differently for each of us. I try not to let Grief overwhelm me (he's that sort, you know) and most of the time I succeed. But once in a while he gets under my skin and drives me absolutely crazy. I'd like to send him packing, but I know he won't go until he's good and ready. So meanwhile I hunker down and try to handle his unpredictable behavior the best I can.


The Bug said...

I remember writing a blog post about "random huge grief" for my mother. I'll be floating along all serene & BAM. Like this last Sunday when I finally was able to work the (extremely tiny) clasp on her diamond necklace. I hardly ever saw her take it off, and now I'm not sure when I will ever take it off.

I'm wishing you peace. Grief will be grief, and as you say, it is different for everyone. But I wish you peace as you sit with him.

rita said...

So very well described.
I pray Grief's visitations become less frequent and melt into sweet and healing memories.