Writing from the waiting room at Lutheran Hospital in Ft Wayne is a little surreal. It's a massive place and I've gotten turned around twice in the short time I've been here. Lots of comfortable chairs, TVs, tables and chairs, free tea or coffee, everyone so solicitous.
We've been in plenty of clinics over the past few years in Argentina as we chased a diagnosis for "all that ailed me" but the biggest could fit in a small portion of this complex. Although I think the real reason it feels so weird isn't due to the size of the hospital, but because this time it's Ivan who's the patient. My healthy "Energizer Bunny" husband hasn't been himself all summer. We knew his liver enzymes were up, but not why until an appointment with a specialist revealed his liver is big and fatty (like most Americans).
That alone didn't seem to warrant his feeling so run down though. We chalked it up to stress, and all the craziness that was our life... Ivan made a quick trip to Argentina in May to take care of some things, the primary one being a root canal and temporary crown. We helped mom move into Assisted Living. We were in the midst of trying to buy a house and, when that fell through, quickly moved into an apartment.
Then the day after we moved, Ivan experienced such abdominal and chest pain that we thought he was having a heart attack and went to the ER. They wanted to keep him overnight and monitor him, but he balked. I swear he got that same mulish look I've seen on mother's face many times, so I wasn't surprised when he began negotiating with the doctor. In the end we stuck around long enough to get a second round of blood work. Did you know you can have a normal EKG during a cardiac event? But the blood doesn't lie, hence the follow-up blood work three hours after the first.
My husband has a very high tolerance for pain so it took not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR attacks and another trip to the ER before he took it seriously.
(This all took place in the two weeks between we moved and our planned trip to California.)
That second trip to the ER didn't come any closer to determining the source of the pain, but it did reveal a small, fully encapsulated tumor on his left kidney. That, in turn, led to a flurry of appointments with various specialists.
Which brings us to this moment in time. They are currently doing laparoscopic surgery to remove the tumor and some of the surrounding tissue.
While I write from the waiting room at Lutheran Hospital in Ft Wayne, sitting in one of the many comfortable chairs, eyes straying often to the pager, eager for it to light up so I can gather my bags and make my way to the room where Ivan will spend the night. Where I can hold the hand of my beloved and listen to him make even sillier jokes than usual in his drug induced state. Although what can be sillier than his pre-op response to "Do you have any kind of reaction to anesthesia?"when he said, "I go to sleep."?!
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
M-O-V-E is a Four Letter Word
I've sometimes envied those who grew up in the same house throughout their childhood, or lived in the same place their entire married life. That's not the life God chose for us. Both of us moved multiple times as children, and so far we've tallied 23 moves as a married couple (in 38 years). Four of those moves were in the past 15 months.
Now maybe you understand why M-O-V-E is considered a four letter word in our house :)
There's something to be said, though, for being mobile. We've seen and done things most people never have the chance to experience, and for that we're grateful. It's just that we're finding the older we get, the harder each move is, the more it takes out of us. Especially when it involves getting rid of 99% of what you own in the space of a few short months. At that point you're not concerned with whether you can sell something, you're just giving things away right and left, so you can be done with it. Because more important than the stuff is the people you're leaving behind. That's like a gut punch to your solar plexus, my friends.
The last two moves were done locally. In February, in the midst of mom's health issues, we learned we could rent a small apartment in the same retirement village. That killed two birds with one stone: we were within 100 feet of mom's apartment, making it easier to help her, and it gave us our own space while giving Alan and Sharon back theirs. It also allowed us time to find a house we wanted to buy and start the (very) lengthy process of applying for a loan.
And let me just take a moment here to rant, if you don't mind. Since when did the loan process become an endurance test? It took 2-1/2 months of gathering data and sending it in, again and again, because apparently banks are not good at sharing between departments. And by the time we'd get everything in, some of it was "old" and we had to gather and send in the "new" data. Ugh. And all for naught. After all that time, money, and anticipation, we were turned down. Despite the fact that our credit is excellent and we had a little money for the down payment (enough for about 5% plus closing costs), none of that mattered because Ivan is self-employed. For those who are self-employed, banks require two years of W2s and tax returns from the new business, which we obviously didn't have. That means we have to wait until next year, by which time we'll have those two years of W2s and tax returns in hand.
This kink in the plans really threw us for a loop and left us scrambling to find a place to rent long term. The apartment in the retirement village was fine temporarily but it was very small and quite expensive. Plus mom moved into an apartment in Assisted Living (in the same retirement village) at the end of May, where they have round-the-clock staff to help her with whatever she might need.
We shared with a few folks at church that week about our predicament and within a week we'd looked at and secured an apartment owned by a family at VSF. Their last renter had just moved out and they were planning to remodel the bathroom before renting it again, but we assured them we've seen much worse bathrooms :) And we needed something pronto! Just a couple weeks later 15 folks from church showed up to help us move. Pretty sure it has to be the fastest move in history! With so many people (and vehicles), we were able to move everything in one shot. Boom! Done in less than two hours!
Of course, it took me the next two weeks to finish unpacking all the boxes and figuring out where things should go :) Actually, even though the boxes are unpacked and we are somewhat settled in, I want to go back through everything and see what else I can get rid of, because we have TOO MUCH STUFF. Maybe I'm gun shy, having disposed of an entire household not once, but twice, in the last decade, but I'm feeling a bit oppressed by all that we managed to accumulate in one year! And we didn't even buy the vast majority of it. People are so giving, and we took whatever they gave. Now that we're in our own place, we can see we don't need (or want) some of those things. It's kind of funny because I have a plethora of certain kind of kitchen ware but am lacking a simple nonstick pan. That's the way it goes.
It's not that we want to live a minimalist lifestyle, but we want to be very thoughtful about what we do own. I want to enjoy things that are useful and precious to me, but not be consumed with the care of them. Make sense?
I'll admit, it was a tough pill to swallow when we were turned down for a loan. I see people with bad credit and no money down being able to buy homes willy nilly. And we were so ready to be in a place of our very own! A place we could put down roots and maybe not think about moving for a few years (what a concept!). But already we've seen how God worked in that situation to spare us because He knew what was coming.
But that's a whole other story for a whole other post.
Meanwhile we are thoroughly enjoying our walk-out basement apartment that overlooks a beautiful yard and garden, in a very quiet and peaceful neighborhood. There's a screened in porch, where I spent a good portion of the past weekend, sitting and reading without fear of being eaten alive by mosquitoes. This winter we'll be oh, so cozy, in our living room with a working stone fireplace. There are three bedrooms, so one has been designated the study/crafting space/overflow guest room. I haven't had time to do more than put away my fabric and sewing tools, but I look forward to getting back into my favorite past time of quilting.
I'm a wee bit nervous about navigating the stone steps this winter and it took several tries to find a laundromat where I feel I can actually get my laundry clean (no hook ups in this apartment) but those are the only draw backs. We have a lovely, cozy apartment, great landlords/neighbors, and can relax for the next 11 months since we signed a one-year lease.
Who knows, maybe by next year this time I'll be writing from a completely different house, one that we've been able to buy ourselves. That would be lovely but would also mean another M-O-V-E, so it's not something we're going to think about right now, okay? ;)
Now maybe you understand why M-O-V-E is considered a four letter word in our house :)
There's something to be said, though, for being mobile. We've seen and done things most people never have the chance to experience, and for that we're grateful. It's just that we're finding the older we get, the harder each move is, the more it takes out of us. Especially when it involves getting rid of 99% of what you own in the space of a few short months. At that point you're not concerned with whether you can sell something, you're just giving things away right and left, so you can be done with it. Because more important than the stuff is the people you're leaving behind. That's like a gut punch to your solar plexus, my friends.
The last two moves were done locally. In February, in the midst of mom's health issues, we learned we could rent a small apartment in the same retirement village. That killed two birds with one stone: we were within 100 feet of mom's apartment, making it easier to help her, and it gave us our own space while giving Alan and Sharon back theirs. It also allowed us time to find a house we wanted to buy and start the (very) lengthy process of applying for a loan.
And let me just take a moment here to rant, if you don't mind. Since when did the loan process become an endurance test? It took 2-1/2 months of gathering data and sending it in, again and again, because apparently banks are not good at sharing between departments. And by the time we'd get everything in, some of it was "old" and we had to gather and send in the "new" data. Ugh. And all for naught. After all that time, money, and anticipation, we were turned down. Despite the fact that our credit is excellent and we had a little money for the down payment (enough for about 5% plus closing costs), none of that mattered because Ivan is self-employed. For those who are self-employed, banks require two years of W2s and tax returns from the new business, which we obviously didn't have. That means we have to wait until next year, by which time we'll have those two years of W2s and tax returns in hand.
This kink in the plans really threw us for a loop and left us scrambling to find a place to rent long term. The apartment in the retirement village was fine temporarily but it was very small and quite expensive. Plus mom moved into an apartment in Assisted Living (in the same retirement village) at the end of May, where they have round-the-clock staff to help her with whatever she might need.
We shared with a few folks at church that week about our predicament and within a week we'd looked at and secured an apartment owned by a family at VSF. Their last renter had just moved out and they were planning to remodel the bathroom before renting it again, but we assured them we've seen much worse bathrooms :) And we needed something pronto! Just a couple weeks later 15 folks from church showed up to help us move. Pretty sure it has to be the fastest move in history! With so many people (and vehicles), we were able to move everything in one shot. Boom! Done in less than two hours!
Of course, it took me the next two weeks to finish unpacking all the boxes and figuring out where things should go :) Actually, even though the boxes are unpacked and we are somewhat settled in, I want to go back through everything and see what else I can get rid of, because we have TOO MUCH STUFF. Maybe I'm gun shy, having disposed of an entire household not once, but twice, in the last decade, but I'm feeling a bit oppressed by all that we managed to accumulate in one year! And we didn't even buy the vast majority of it. People are so giving, and we took whatever they gave. Now that we're in our own place, we can see we don't need (or want) some of those things. It's kind of funny because I have a plethora of certain kind of kitchen ware but am lacking a simple nonstick pan. That's the way it goes.
It's not that we want to live a minimalist lifestyle, but we want to be very thoughtful about what we do own. I want to enjoy things that are useful and precious to me, but not be consumed with the care of them. Make sense?
I'll admit, it was a tough pill to swallow when we were turned down for a loan. I see people with bad credit and no money down being able to buy homes willy nilly. And we were so ready to be in a place of our very own! A place we could put down roots and maybe not think about moving for a few years (what a concept!). But already we've seen how God worked in that situation to spare us because He knew what was coming.
But that's a whole other story for a whole other post.
Meanwhile we are thoroughly enjoying our walk-out basement apartment that overlooks a beautiful yard and garden, in a very quiet and peaceful neighborhood. There's a screened in porch, where I spent a good portion of the past weekend, sitting and reading without fear of being eaten alive by mosquitoes. This winter we'll be oh, so cozy, in our living room with a working stone fireplace. There are three bedrooms, so one has been designated the study/crafting space/overflow guest room. I haven't had time to do more than put away my fabric and sewing tools, but I look forward to getting back into my favorite past time of quilting.
I'm a wee bit nervous about navigating the stone steps this winter and it took several tries to find a laundromat where I feel I can actually get my laundry clean (no hook ups in this apartment) but those are the only draw backs. We have a lovely, cozy apartment, great landlords/neighbors, and can relax for the next 11 months since we signed a one-year lease.
Who knows, maybe by next year this time I'll be writing from a completely different house, one that we've been able to buy ourselves. That would be lovely but would also mean another M-O-V-E, so it's not something we're going to think about right now, okay? ;)
Monday, August 28, 2017
California
Some months ago we began planning a trip to California for Adalyn's third birthday. The final plan was for me to go out August 1st and get some one-on-one time with little Miss A while her parents took off for a few days (to celebrate their 10th anniversary!) and then for Ivan to fly out the following week, in time for the birthday festivities. Some things happened right before, that almost derailed our plans (more on that in another post), but thankfully it all worked out in the end. Yeah!
I had a couple days with Jon, Nat and Adalyn first and it was fun to get to do things with them. Like go to the library for story time, after which Adalyn not only picked out books but also helped check them out:
That evening we went to the weekly concert-in-the-park within walking distance of their place. The park is absolutely beautiful and lots of people were out enjoying the lovely evening, the live music, food vendors and their neighbors.
Then Jon and Nat left and I got to enjoy hanging out with Adalyn and the pets. Adalyn is such a ham!
I shared a couple other photos from this time in my last post.
Ivan arrived the day after Jon and Nat returned, several days before the birthday party. Getting away ourselves for two nights/three days was part of the plan, made possible because Jon and Nat let us use their vehicle. We drove north to Sonoma and thoroughly enjoyed our first get-away in a really long time. I chose the lovely airbnb accommodations based on the photos of the back yard. We were not disappointed!
Mostly we just kicked back and rested, but we did wander into Sonoma for lunch the two days we were there. We'd been talking about how much the area reminded us of Argentina, but Ivan was really surprised to find a tree downtown with the Argentine national flower!
Natalie put a lot of time and thought into making a list of things we could do and see but time constraints (and the fact that we were just really tired) meant we only did one: a tour and cheese tasting at Achadinha Farm.
Ivan met a kindred spirit in co-owner Donna, and we stayed a long while after the tour talking about farming.
Back at Jon and Nat's we were excited to hit the Saturday Farmer's Market with them. It's the biggest one we've ever been to and I was thrilled to find a gluten free bakery stall. Oh my word! Weeks later I still dream of their cheddar rolls and drool just thinking about their chocolate chip rolls. *sigh* But the star of the market is, of course, the bountiful harvest of fruits and veggies.
Saturday afternoon was the long awaited for birthday party! Adalyn is obsessed with all things princess so she had to wear her princess tutu and each toddler got either a tiara or crown to wear. They were so cute!
They had the party at the Junior Gym which was great for the kids to run around and have lots of fun things to do (and release all that energy!).
Our last full day in California was Adalyn's actual birthday and we headed south to the beach. It was a little chilly and overcast, but to me that's perfect beach weather :)
We ended the day at Sam's Chowder House where we stuffed ourselves on seafood. I love this particular photo of Jon and Natalie. They are such nuts!
Our trip home didn't go quite as planned. A two hour delay leaving San Francisco meant we missed the last connecting flight to Ft. Wayne, so the airline put us up at a Hyatt hotel near O'Hare and we caught a flight out the next afternoon.
We're so grateful for the time we got to spend with Jon, Natalie and Adalyn! Living across the country is hard for this Nina and Papa who'd love to see them more often, but it just makes the time we do have together even more special!
I had a couple days with Jon, Nat and Adalyn first and it was fun to get to do things with them. Like go to the library for story time, after which Adalyn not only picked out books but also helped check them out:
That evening we went to the weekly concert-in-the-park within walking distance of their place. The park is absolutely beautiful and lots of people were out enjoying the lovely evening, the live music, food vendors and their neighbors.
Then Jon and Nat left and I got to enjoy hanging out with Adalyn and the pets. Adalyn is such a ham!
I shared a couple other photos from this time in my last post.
Ivan arrived the day after Jon and Nat returned, several days before the birthday party. Getting away ourselves for two nights/three days was part of the plan, made possible because Jon and Nat let us use their vehicle. We drove north to Sonoma and thoroughly enjoyed our first get-away in a really long time. I chose the lovely airbnb accommodations based on the photos of the back yard. We were not disappointed!
Mostly we just kicked back and rested, but we did wander into Sonoma for lunch the two days we were there. We'd been talking about how much the area reminded us of Argentina, but Ivan was really surprised to find a tree downtown with the Argentine national flower!
Natalie put a lot of time and thought into making a list of things we could do and see but time constraints (and the fact that we were just really tired) meant we only did one: a tour and cheese tasting at Achadinha Farm.
Back at Jon and Nat's we were excited to hit the Saturday Farmer's Market with them. It's the biggest one we've ever been to and I was thrilled to find a gluten free bakery stall. Oh my word! Weeks later I still dream of their cheddar rolls and drool just thinking about their chocolate chip rolls. *sigh* But the star of the market is, of course, the bountiful harvest of fruits and veggies.
Saturday afternoon was the long awaited for birthday party! Adalyn is obsessed with all things princess so she had to wear her princess tutu and each toddler got either a tiara or crown to wear. They were so cute!
They had the party at the Junior Gym which was great for the kids to run around and have lots of fun things to do (and release all that energy!).
Our last full day in California was Adalyn's actual birthday and we headed south to the beach. It was a little chilly and overcast, but to me that's perfect beach weather :)
We ended the day at Sam's Chowder House where we stuffed ourselves on seafood. I love this particular photo of Jon and Natalie. They are such nuts!
Our trip home didn't go quite as planned. A two hour delay leaving San Francisco meant we missed the last connecting flight to Ft. Wayne, so the airline put us up at a Hyatt hotel near O'Hare and we caught a flight out the next afternoon.
We're so grateful for the time we got to spend with Jon, Natalie and Adalyn! Living across the country is hard for this Nina and Papa who'd love to see them more often, but it just makes the time we do have together even more special!
Saturday, August 26, 2017
Cuteness Alert!
It's been way too long since I posted photos of the most adorable grandkids in the world :) Since the oldest two started preschool this week, I thought it was an especially good time to break out the most recent pictures!
When Tina picked Simon up after his first day, she told him she'd missed him. His response: "Ok, but I didn't miss you while I was doing fun things." LOL Reminds me of going back to work when Jon was about 18 months old. I was a wreck, leaving my baby for the first time, and it did not help that Jon didn't want to go home with me when I went to pick him up -- he was having too much fun with his cousins! Be sure and enlarge the photo so you can read what Simon wants to do when he grows up :)
Adalyn was more than a little ready for her first day, and too wiggly to stand still for a photo :) She also loves preschool, which isn't surprising since she's just as social as I remember her father being! Don't you love that shirt?!
Sweet little Betsy isn't old enough for preschool, but she spent Simon's first day of school wearing her "pack pack" everywhere. And that reminds me of her mama :) Tina always wanted to do whatever her brother was doing!
I just find it fascinating to see how much my grandkids are like my kids in so many ways. They're cute as buttons anyway, but it's extra fun when they do and say things that remind me of Jon and Tina when they were little!
And because I can't help myself, here are a few more photos :) I've stolen liberally from Tina's Facebook album; I can't begin to take photos as good as hers. The next post will be a recap of my recent trip to California and will be loaded with photos of Little Miss A but I wanted to include a couple of them here (and those I did take, with my iPhone).
This is one of my favorite photos of Simon this summer! The pure joy with which he approaches everything makes my heart glad.
Tina does a fantastic job capturing special moments. He was pretty intent on the job!
I love how he's sharing with his sister -- totally melts my heart <3
The kids love to play in their new outdoor kitchen -- pretty much daily. They have so much fun making mud pies and other delicacies.
She gets her style from her Nina! LOL
They joined us for church and a picnic at the end of July and Tina snapped this photo of us with the kids. Believe me, getting them to sit still didn't last long! Tina's learned to be quick with the camera :)
Pretty sure Miss A is singing as she works on her Play Doh creation. She loves to sing, and knows most of the words to a quite a few Disney movies, and really belts them out!
She does enjoy torturing Bailey. LOL He looks so pitiful, doesn't he, just sitting there waiting for a cookie crumb to drop?! Leo is much more dignified, laying out of sight in this photo, but he's quick as lightning when Adalyn does drop something.
I just find it fascinating to see how much my grandkids are like my kids in so many ways. They're cute as buttons anyway, but it's extra fun when they do and say things that remind me of Jon and Tina when they were little!
And because I can't help myself, here are a few more photos :) I've stolen liberally from Tina's Facebook album; I can't begin to take photos as good as hers. The next post will be a recap of my recent trip to California and will be loaded with photos of Little Miss A but I wanted to include a couple of them here (and those I did take, with my iPhone).
Friday, August 25, 2017
"The Exhaustion of Unsatisfied Desires" + Grace & Kindness
After being in California for two weeks (where I had a fabulous time with our son and his family!), it was good to be in our home church Sunday. I'm loving our church more and more. It's exactly where we need to be right now; there are a number of folks who have already traveled the road we now find ourselves on: transitioning back to life in the U.S., and they've been a huge help as we navigate this portion of the journey. Beyond that, though, is the openness and vulnerability among this body of believers, such a high level of care and love, that is so refreshing and encouraging.
While I was gone, VSF began a new series entitled "God Through A Picket Fence", with different ones taking the pulpit each week, sharing how they see God at this juncture of their personal pilgrimage. This past Sunday Larry Crabb spoke. He and his family were a part of the VSF family when they lived here a number of years ago and the Crabbs have maintained close ties to the church ever since. At 73, and dealing with cancer, how Larry sees God at this particular moment in time is from the perspective of one who expects to meet Him before too much longer.
He discovered the phrase "the exhaustion of unsatisfied desires" in an old book from 1895, written by James Walker, with the catchy title: "The Blessed Dead in Paradise". As he put it, the book appealed to him since he will soon be joining those blessed dead in paradise.
He talked about how each of the Gospels approached Jesus' experience in Gethsemane a little differently, based on their slant: only John (who focused on Jesus as sovereign God) does not write about the turmoil Jesus was in, how he was wrestling with His impending death, while in Matthew 26 Jesus appealed to the Father's power, in Luke 22 to his Father's love and in Mark 14 to the Father's wisdom; that if there was any other way to provide salvation to mankind other than His own death, that the Father would spare Him. Have you ever wondered why Jesus even asked the question, knowing what the answer would be?
Larry said no greater challenge awaits us as we walk the narrow road to life, than to embrace "the exhaustion of unsatisfied desires" without expecting answers and no demand for relief. What I find interesting is that in Luke 22:43 an angel appears to strengthen Jesus; probably because Luke's focus is on Jesus the man, and as a man, he needed to be strengthened for what was about to come. How did the angel go about doing this? It's not clear. Was it something he said or merely his presence? What does this mean for us? How can we go about strengthening others?
One of the things God put on my heart several years ago was to be a 'safe' person, especially for other missionary wives or pastor's wives. It can be a lonely life, where you walk a thin line between ministering to, and being friends with, those in your sphere. It can also be lonely because of competitiveness ("their ministry is so much more successful") or making comparisons ("she's so good at everything and I can't do any of that"). Sad but true, we women especially can let our very human natures create conflict and be hurtful to our sisters in Christ.
How encouraging to see those who are taking a very different approach: to truly be there and support one another, to be encouragers rather than tearing down, to stand firm with rather than turn against other women. I'm appalled at the meanness I see displayed by so many believers on social media and television. Where is the grace?!
You know what? We are never going to agree 100% with anyone about everything. E-V-E-R! So why get nit picky about things that DO NOT MATTER? Whatever happened to being known by our love for our brothers and sisters in Christ (I John 2:10:11)?
In this age of media saturation and instant communication, I think it's important to be even more thoughtful and intentional about what we say to -- and about -- others. The childhood ditty: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is blatantly untrue. Words do hurt; worse than a physical attack because they linger on and on, and can never be retracted. I loved the powerful illustration adoptive mom Amy Beth Gardner used to help her older daughter, entering middle school last year, understand the power of words. Gardner finished by saying, "Decide tonight that you are going to be a life-giver in middle school. Be known for your gentleness and compassion. Use your life to give life to a world that so desperately needs it. You will never, ever regret choosing kindness."
That should be true not only in middle school but throughout our lives. Looking back at my own regrets, it was always because I wasn't careful with my words. Every.Single.Time. I'll bet it's the same for you, am I right? So how about we work a little harder at choosing kindness? Will we get it right 100% of the time? No. Habits are formed by doing the same thing over and over again. So let's work at responding with kindness. It won't be easy, especially if you -- like me -- have become pretty cynical about other people's motives. But just hang in there! I think it's worth investing a couple months (or longer, if that's what it takes) into retraining our response to be one of kindness.
While I was gone, VSF began a new series entitled "God Through A Picket Fence", with different ones taking the pulpit each week, sharing how they see God at this juncture of their personal pilgrimage. This past Sunday Larry Crabb spoke. He and his family were a part of the VSF family when they lived here a number of years ago and the Crabbs have maintained close ties to the church ever since. At 73, and dealing with cancer, how Larry sees God at this particular moment in time is from the perspective of one who expects to meet Him before too much longer.
He discovered the phrase "the exhaustion of unsatisfied desires" in an old book from 1895, written by James Walker, with the catchy title: "The Blessed Dead in Paradise". As he put it, the book appealed to him since he will soon be joining those blessed dead in paradise.
He talked about how each of the Gospels approached Jesus' experience in Gethsemane a little differently, based on their slant: only John (who focused on Jesus as sovereign God) does not write about the turmoil Jesus was in, how he was wrestling with His impending death, while in Matthew 26 Jesus appealed to the Father's power, in Luke 22 to his Father's love and in Mark 14 to the Father's wisdom; that if there was any other way to provide salvation to mankind other than His own death, that the Father would spare Him. Have you ever wondered why Jesus even asked the question, knowing what the answer would be?
Larry said no greater challenge awaits us as we walk the narrow road to life, than to embrace "the exhaustion of unsatisfied desires" without expecting answers and no demand for relief. What I find interesting is that in Luke 22:43 an angel appears to strengthen Jesus; probably because Luke's focus is on Jesus the man, and as a man, he needed to be strengthened for what was about to come. How did the angel go about doing this? It's not clear. Was it something he said or merely his presence? What does this mean for us? How can we go about strengthening others?
~~~~~~~~~
One of the things God put on my heart several years ago was to be a 'safe' person, especially for other missionary wives or pastor's wives. It can be a lonely life, where you walk a thin line between ministering to, and being friends with, those in your sphere. It can also be lonely because of competitiveness ("their ministry is so much more successful") or making comparisons ("she's so good at everything and I can't do any of that"). Sad but true, we women especially can let our very human natures create conflict and be hurtful to our sisters in Christ.
How encouraging to see those who are taking a very different approach: to truly be there and support one another, to be encouragers rather than tearing down, to stand firm with rather than turn against other women. I'm appalled at the meanness I see displayed by so many believers on social media and television. Where is the grace?!
You know what? We are never going to agree 100% with anyone about everything. E-V-E-R! So why get nit picky about things that DO NOT MATTER? Whatever happened to being known by our love for our brothers and sisters in Christ (I John 2:10:11)?
In this age of media saturation and instant communication, I think it's important to be even more thoughtful and intentional about what we say to -- and about -- others. The childhood ditty: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is blatantly untrue. Words do hurt; worse than a physical attack because they linger on and on, and can never be retracted. I loved the powerful illustration adoptive mom Amy Beth Gardner used to help her older daughter, entering middle school last year, understand the power of words. Gardner finished by saying, "Decide tonight that you are going to be a life-giver in middle school. Be known for your gentleness and compassion. Use your life to give life to a world that so desperately needs it. You will never, ever regret choosing kindness."
That should be true not only in middle school but throughout our lives. Looking back at my own regrets, it was always because I wasn't careful with my words. Every.Single.Time. I'll bet it's the same for you, am I right? So how about we work a little harder at choosing kindness? Will we get it right 100% of the time? No. Habits are formed by doing the same thing over and over again. So let's work at responding with kindness. It won't be easy, especially if you -- like me -- have become pretty cynical about other people's motives. But just hang in there! I think it's worth investing a couple months (or longer, if that's what it takes) into retraining our response to be one of kindness.
Thursday, August 24, 2017
Moving Forward
I'd planned to do a one year post since our return to the U.S. (which was June 4th) but life was more than a little crazy at that point. I'm not sure why I continue to think life is going to slow down, or become less crazy and stressful, because obviously it is NOT. Circumstances change but the pace, the craziness, continues.
And the truth is I've turned to journaling more in the past few years and posting here less. Our stories are never just our own, are they? Other people are always involved and I find it unwieldy to excise sufficiently to protect another's privacy... so I end up not sharing at all. It was easier when I participated in Project 365 because I could post photos and little blurbs and it was 'safe'. But with all that's happened over the past few years, I've found myself more introspective and less willing to share on such a public forum.
At the same time, I've really missed the discipline of writing here, and the friendships and interactions that developed from this space. I'm not sure what direction this blog is going to take, now that it's no longer a medium for keeping in touch with folks "back home" and giving glimpses into our life in Argentina, but I do want to continue to write here in some capacity (and hopefully with more frequency).
Have you ever met anyone who said "My life is exactly what I thought it would be!"? (No, me either.) But isn't it interesting to think about the twists and turns our lives have taken? And to ponder the lessons learned, the expanding and overlapping circles of friends made?
I want to write about our faith journey, what transition looks like, how living overseas changed and shaped us, what it's like to be plopped back into a place that feels at once familiar and foreign. I want to share life with whoever wants to show up, to brag on my grandchildren (cutest ever!), and talk about the books I'm reading. I want to tell you about the funny things that happen, and the sad things, and whatever else might be going on. I want to share links to posts and articles that are helpful, informative or just flat hilarious.
Blogging has changed a lot since I started ten years ago, it's more commercial and genre-driven, but I hope that those who tune in will find encouragement and something to make them smile (or laugh!) and, most especially, cause them to think.
After being married 38 years to a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda guy, some of that was bound to rub off and now I'm ready to move forward and just see what happens!
And the truth is I've turned to journaling more in the past few years and posting here less. Our stories are never just our own, are they? Other people are always involved and I find it unwieldy to excise sufficiently to protect another's privacy... so I end up not sharing at all. It was easier when I participated in Project 365 because I could post photos and little blurbs and it was 'safe'. But with all that's happened over the past few years, I've found myself more introspective and less willing to share on such a public forum.
At the same time, I've really missed the discipline of writing here, and the friendships and interactions that developed from this space. I'm not sure what direction this blog is going to take, now that it's no longer a medium for keeping in touch with folks "back home" and giving glimpses into our life in Argentina, but I do want to continue to write here in some capacity (and hopefully with more frequency).
Have you ever met anyone who said "My life is exactly what I thought it would be!"? (No, me either.) But isn't it interesting to think about the twists and turns our lives have taken? And to ponder the lessons learned, the expanding and overlapping circles of friends made?
I want to write about our faith journey, what transition looks like, how living overseas changed and shaped us, what it's like to be plopped back into a place that feels at once familiar and foreign. I want to share life with whoever wants to show up, to brag on my grandchildren (cutest ever!), and talk about the books I'm reading. I want to tell you about the funny things that happen, and the sad things, and whatever else might be going on. I want to share links to posts and articles that are helpful, informative or just flat hilarious.
Blogging has changed a lot since I started ten years ago, it's more commercial and genre-driven, but I hope that those who tune in will find encouragement and something to make them smile (or laugh!) and, most especially, cause them to think.
After being married 38 years to a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda guy, some of that was bound to rub off and now I'm ready to move forward and just see what happens!
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