Products You Can Live Without

In my last post I mentioned the-other-associate-pastor-who-is-now-the-primary-occupant-of-the- parsonage. Since that's a mouthful, let's just call him Rob. Since that's his name and all.

A while back he let me rip up a catalog that came in the mail; since it didn't feature books, he didn't care. This catalog carried products I didn't even know existed.

Or why.

Maybe you can tell me why there's a need for these things? Am I missing out on something of great import? Is my quality of life being compromised because I do not own these? I know I'm not the sharpest fashion tool in the shed, but somehow I just don't see this coordinating with any of my clothes. Except maybe the Minnie Mouse sweatshirt with paint and wood finish stains. And just where would one wear such a stunning piece of jewelry anyway? I'm not exactly the outdoorsy type. My idea of roughing it is a hotel without a pool. Nope, don't think I'll be needing it.
Yeah, this almost-foot-tall piece of gray plastic looks just like "an enemy nest" that will totally fake out the wasps that come lurking around. Since it's chemical free, you'll feel like you're doing your part for the environment. Except I wonder how much energy was wasted used to create this plastic monstrosity? And what happens when you get wasps who are looking for another place to hang their hat? Who are tired of the same old/same old in their own neighborhood and are on the prowl? I guess they'd beat themselves silly hurling themselves against the hard plastic, trying to get in. And then you'd have a mess to clean up, all those dazed and confused wasps lying on the ground with migraines. But never fear! Because you can also buy this: You can sneak down to the neighbor's place (the one whose dog has been leaving little presents in your yard) and release the dear little wasps there. Preferably close to the present-giving dog.

Yeah, right. And will the inventor come and clean my toilet if the product does not live up to claims and expectations? C'mon! NOT CLEAN MY TOILET FOR FIVE YEARS?! Who would buy this? Probably the same person who'd buy this: If you're too lazy to clean your toilet, you're probably too lazy to bend down and wash your feet. ALTHOUGH, I can see the value of this product when one is pregnant and the bending down to clean one's feet is problematic.

And finally my favorite time-saving device: Because we all know it is a difficult thing, a true hardship to slice a banana by hand. And I wanna know, what do you do if the banana isn't shaped just exactly right?